Life is for the living
It was Barry and Glodean White that uttered the line “Life is for the living and love is for the giving” in the song “Didn’t we make it happen Baby” in their hugely successful album titled “Barry & Glodean.“
That line has stuck with me over the years and at first it held only one meaning for me.-That life must be lived well and in full. I took that to mean there is only one life and one must live it well. However, through the years I have discovered another meaning and it’s that is you can only live if you are alive in all respects. As most of us now know, the things that make for living are not in the multitude of things we own or accumulate and so it amuses me when I see some people brag and strut through life as if they can foretell their next 24 hours. It is a sad person, someone who is to be pitied who lives life without being alive going through the motions of living without enjoying it. I believe in the quality of life rather than the quantity and I urge us all to like the man in the voice over a number of business owners have put on their pages, say “Any money Wey I get na to enjoy my life, don’t worry about my future, my future will take care of itself”. The key to being alive is to be present and to be content with all that we have and are.
Love is for the giving
Love is the most beautiful thing but what is the point of loving if we are not giving. What is the point of loving one another and fighting about things that do not really matter in the grand scheme of life? I recollect an occasion after Mr. Aisi fell sick and we had a quarrel, I can’t remember what it was now but we were barely talking to one another, much to the dismay and discomfort of my mum who was visiting. I remember being amused at her concern after all it is common that marriages have different seasons, the winter period when all is cold and dead being one of them.
One day as I had resolved to let him be and just mind my business, the thought came to me that were we wasting precious time fighting and boning each other when we didn’t know how much time we had left ( at that time death was not even a possibility ) and it took me back many years when I complained about our living quarters ( a one room en-suite boys quarters ) and Mr. Aisi would say let’s enjoy where we are now as we will never get this opportunity again to stay so close to one another.
So I went off my high horse and made amends because really, we didn’t know how much time we had left. So when I see people who obviously love each other hold on tightly to their “rights “ I wonder what they will do if suddenly one partner dies or becomes ill and they look at all the time they could have spent loving each other but spent fighting. What is the point of loving someone but you are not showing them how much you love them, what’s the point of pride and ego when you love someone. I have come to the place that when I love I give my all whether or not it is returned to the degree I have given. I love unreservedly and deeply even if all we have is only one day together for I would rather love and love deeply and feel alive, experience the thrills, excitement, wantoness and the joys of loving than hoard the love I have for fear of being hurt. Love, true love is a risk that may hurt you nay will hurt you but true Love is for the giving, not the hoarding, not the calculating, not the transactional.
Sex is for the doing
Someone asked me recently what if I had against casual sex and that question really got me thinking about why I was interested in someone I was thinking of having a relationship with. I had to ask myself if it was just about the sex or if I really liked the person enough to let them in. I have been accused of being too rigid and to go with the flow but I can’t for several reasons.
The first is my faith. I am of the opinion that sex is most fulfilling in a committed relationship and although I am rather squeamish about re- marrying, I desire an exclusive companion. The second reason is that I am quite particular about who I date- if I must eat a frog I had better eat the one with loads of eggs. The third reason is the knowledge of who I am and what I want in life. I am unique and premium goods and I don’t intend to waste me on any causal fling unless it is my choice at that time and if it is, I go into it wide eyed for my own reasons and not what anyone says. You see sex is a function of what I want and how I want it and not what society tells me.
Talking about sex, I have wondered as to why sex toys are such a big issue amongst couples. It is an issue for most men who see it as a replacement but also for most women who are conservative in their thinking. But what happens when a partner wants it introduced in the bedroom, why does the other balk at it especially if it does not violate their morals. Me thinks when partners use sex toys it enhances rather than diminishes their love making.
Relationships are for the tending
If there is any reason why marriages especially those that have lasted for a while break down the main culprit will be complacency. We tend to take our partners for granted over time and this causes a lot of resentment especially where the partner desires a close relationship. I have found that most women are guilty of this, we think because we have them round our little finger, because they are Christians, because they love us that they have nowhere to go and most times it is true that they don’t have anywhere to go to…yet.
I have had a couple of my male friends complain to me about their wives’ complacency in their relationships and looking back at my marriage, I believe it was my greatest undoing. I was so comfortable in my place that I forgot to notice that Mr. Aisi’s needs were evolving until it was a tad late.
The truth is that no one likes to be taken for granted at least I don’t, but complacency is so insidious it creeps upon you and makes you feel that everything is okay. We all change in our thinking, tastes, wants and desires as we experience life and what may have been satisfied us in the past may not count in the present.
Ironically, complacency is actually the by-product of a good marriage where partners feel so at ease with themselves that they forget one another and women tend to be most guilty of this state of affairs. I believe that I am talking on behalf of a lot of men who are miffed that their wives no longer know or want to know who they have become or what they want.
Love, life, sex and relationships a most intriguing coterie of subjects worth musing upon.