We began seeing again shortly before she remarried. We have met at several places since then, so that people would not be suspicions. Even though we have three children together, the fact that we have both remarried would have set people talking bad about us, you know that sort of thing?
When we separated I got married, two years after, she did only last year.
How did it all begin?
I met Baby, yes, that’s the name I called her right from the first day I set my eyes on her, Baby. She was everything I wanted in a woman. We hit it off immediately and that very day, I told her, “I will marry you my Baby and make you the envy among your friends.”
Baby looked at me and smirked, “You? How?”
She was working and had her own car but I was determined to give her a life she never dreamt of and since then, I never looked back. We were like two peas in a pod. She was like the very breathe I took; we enjoyed the same things, books, movies, parties, food.
We got married and had three children. Two boys and one girl. Right from the onset, I must say, my mother and sisters never liked Baby but Mama and my sisters aren’t the ones marrying her, I was the one, so I told them, “Biko leave this girl for me, whatever she does to you that you don’t like, just close your eyes for my sake.”
Mama would not hear.
My sisters were in a gang up.
What exactly didn’t they like?
They said she was too proud, they said she looked at them like they were beneath her, they said she had too many friends that dressed like prostitutes’, they said she never gave them food when they visited us…
It was always a different complaint but i always begged mama especially; “Mama, biko leave Baby’m, leave her, I like her the way she is.”
Anyway, I kept both parties apart as often as I could…but you know, whenever we had meetings or parties or any gathering, fight must always start between mama and Baby or between my sisters and Baby or between Baby on one hand and my family on the other.
Meanwhile, it isn’t as if I never warned Baby to behave well with mama. I did, several times, but it was always fight between us and I hated that. I just wanted my Baby to tone down for mama but, well, they were always at war.
So one day, mama told me she wouldn’t come to my house ever again, she said my wife was dabbling into juju and that she didn’t want to join her ancestors too soon. Of course I didn’t believe mama, though, I knew my mother must have seen something to make her take that stand.
My mother belonged to these strict Christian churches that see visions and so far, every time she saw visions for me, she was always right!
Like when she knew I would be promoted at work, like when she knew I was going to buy a house, like when…so many, many things…
When I confronted my wife, not even to accuse her, just to say, Baby, if some people are deceiving you into doing juju either for your husband to love you more or for something beneficial to us, please don’t do it, we will be ok…
That was all I was trying to tell her. She attacked me, said I was the one doing juju…in short, we said many bad things to each other that period and I asked her to leave my house if she wasn’t going to be at peace with my mother!
She moved out the following day…that was more than 4 and half years ago!
She begged to have her children but I refused and I filed for divorce. I moved on with my life. But you know, at my age, I don’t want to have a woman who would say she wants to have her own children…I am done with having children. I want to have the strength to train the ones I have to university level and be done to spend the rest of my life enjoying myself.
So even though I wanted to get into a more stable relationship, what I often got were these small, small girls, who though great to have sex with are nothing like my Baby. These girls are very shallow when it comes to having meaningful conversations. They need you just for what you can give them, you aren’t even sure you have them to yourself, for all you know, they are busy sleeping with other boys or even men…I don’t want that kind of relationship, please!
On the other hand, the mature women around are too independent, they are opinionated, too stiff to bend; you can’t even tell them what they should do, they will quote Aristotle and Plato and tell you men are scum and you can’t control them, not that I even want to control anyone but you get my gist…their wahala is too much.
Eventually, I married a Mariam who was a widow. We had been friends for long…she and my mother and sisters got along very well but when it comes to bedroom matters…Mariam is not like Baby. That’s where the wahala began.
I couldn’t be running after small, small girls again when I had just got married. So I began to try to patch things up with Baby when she came to see our children; I told her how much I missed her, I confessed to her that I missed her. I honestly got no satisfaction from any of the women I had been with after her…
But another man had stolen her heart by then, this was like the third year after our separation. She told me she missed me too but was already in another relationship.
“Fashi, him, come back my baby….”
“And be second wife or what?”
She could never return to me and i couldnt find a good reason to leave Mariam.
But I also didn’t want Baby to go just like that…especially as she often came to me for money for one thing or another.
I told her, “I can be better than this guy…we already have a history, we were good together we can start seeing each other again.”
She refused at first but I wore her out with pestering and one day, she finally gave in! I mean, she was my babe, I knew what buttons to press and knew her mumu button. That day, we had sex and I knew I should never have let her go!
So that’s how we began…again.
We have met several times now and each time…it was at different places.
Then when the new husband came to do small “something on her head,” she stopped meeting with me for sometime, but after the registry, we “met” again… I know she feels guilty but I wont stop arranging for our meet until she leaves that man, I want my Baby back!
I will keep trying, she may be married to the other man but we have children together and we go way back, so, I will not give up!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)
