I grew up pepper- less; as in I couldn’t tolerate pepper and condiments in my food; and if I took food that contains the slightest hint of pepper, I would just be itching all day.
I would break out in hives; red blotches all over my body from my scalp to my toes…very unsightly.
For a long time; kindergarten through to primary, secondary, and half way through uni days, I was always falling sick and in and out of hospitals. I couldn’t even attend boarding school because I was always sick. We didn’t know what was making me sick; doctors just concluded I was mirroring traits of sickle cell disease, even though my genotype is not SS; in fact, I am AS!
It got so bad, I don’t even eat outside, I only eat what I prepare myself; back then, I mostly lived on oats, cornflakes, and all those kinds of food that do not have gluten in them. I sometimes made my own food without any of the ingredients you are familiar with and for years, because I had got used to my type of food, I had no idea what bad taste was.
Fast forward to me meeting my boyfriend after university, and we agreed to man and wife.
He took me to meet his mother. From the word ‘go,’ we disliked each other! My boyfriend, then was her only son and she hated the fact that I hated cooking. I hated cooking because I hardly ate regular meals, so why slave over something I won’t eat?
Mama offered us food and I declined; then her son told her I reacted to certain foods, he listed them, Jollof rice, fried rice, bean porridge…
Mama was shocked, she asked me, “So what do you eat?”
I said, “…oats…and rice and stew made from tomatoes that I have blended myself…”
In short, I guess because she felt I would starve her son, she hated me.
And totally not my fault here for hating to cook, like I said, food made me sick, so what would I be doing in the kitchen when my staple was cornflakes, oats and a few other meals that didn’t require your African type of cooking?
I eat meat but cooked without curry, thyme, or cubes…just salt and onions.
The woman asked her son not to marry me.
And me, sef, I was like, please you people should carry your wahala and go. I will find another man. But bobo didn’t let me go. He insisted on marrying me and that’s how we got married despite mama’s opposition.
So you see how come mama and I had become sworn enemies?
I will tell you that over the years, I tried to woo mama to my side; I knew her love for her only son was what was keeping her and when I began to have children, all boys, I knew, I had to make this woman like me and I really tried but she was not an easy woman to woo.
Every time she came to our house, she would bring her own pots, food, condiments and cook for my husband and my kids; they would eat her food and neglect mine…I hated mama for a long time for this.
Then we moved abroad and I thought I was free of mama coming to our house as easily as she often did when we lived in Lagos. She couldn’t for a few years.
Then one day, my husband announced he was bringing mama over to stay with us for a few months…that “few months” turned to two years because Covid-19 came and trapped mama with us…for almost one year, after the one year, mama still stayed on because of covid scare but in these two years, I fell in love with my mother-in-law!
How did it happen?
You know we were all on lock down in the UK?
Mama had come in early February 2020 or so, shortly before we began lock down!
Of course she was only coming to stay for a “few months”; from what I gathered from my husband. Ok, I told myself, I will endure this woman for three months, God help me!
Like I said earlier, everyone in my house, my husband and three sons would always eat mama’s food every time she came. So I never bothered with cooking and what was I cooking? My family had learned to eat my food that I cooked without pepper, without condiments, without all the persevered food. But anytime mama came, they would eat peppered Jollof rice, egusi soups laden with condiments…
Three months proved to be a difficult time for me and I found myself hating my boys; my husband and sons for eating mama’s food with relish.
So I was on the phone one day that was like maybe five months of hell living with mama. I called my friend and was crying on the phone. I told her my mother-in-law had taken my family from me. I told her they no longer ate my food and preferred mama’s company to mine and lockdown didn’t even help. I longed to go out and leave them to their joy while I wallowed in misery.
My friend, lives in Nigeria, we had gone to school together and were roomies throughout our second, third and final year in school. She was the one who told me a few home truths I needed to hear that day.
She said, “Babes, take it easy. If I were you, I would ask mama to teach me how to make soups and food that didn’t require these condiments. To be honest, ore, your food no dey sweet o. I ate it those days because many times I was hungry after lectures and you were my best friend…your food no sweet, ore. Let’s say it as it is.”
I was shocked.
“You mean my food isn’t tasty?”
“I don’t want to hurt your feeling, ore mi but…uh huh, your food no sweet, ask Kay, your husband…”
I dropped the phone and went to the garden to chill!
I just couldn’t believe what she told me! I mean, I do not claim to be a chef but to tell me my food was tasteless!
A few days after sulking, I called my husband into our room upstairs and told him about my convo with my friend, whom he also knows very well…
I saw my husband was dodgy. His eyes were everywhere but on me as he told me indeed it was true that he only ate my food because he loves me and that he liked mama’s food…!
Shocker!
“You mean you prefer your mother’s food to mine!” I shouted
“No sweetie, your food is better than mama’s food!”
Fxxking liar!
Anyway, after a few days, I swallowed my shattered pride and went to the kitchen to meet mama as she was preparing food. I sat there shame faced and told her I wanted her to teach me how to cook…without all the condiments that made me sick.
Mama was shocked but she hid it well. So she said when next we were allowed to go out to shop, we would buy stuff that she would use. Let me say, we eventually did and mama helped me find other alternatives to what I reacted to.
Over the next few months she was with us, it was cooking lessons o.
I eventually found out this woman didn’t hate me like I thought; we grew to love, yes, love and respect one another over the past two years…I learned a lot from her and though I still do not eat pepper or add condiments to my food, mama has even began to eat form my pot! She never did in all the 12years I was married to her son.
Now my husband says, my food is the best…
I still don’t believe the bagger, he lied to me for more than 12 years!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)
