Look, I am 35 years old, no spring chicken who has worked hard since age 16years. I’m partly paid my own fees through uni, worked hard. All the boys I have met just want to use me, collect my money and when I say, “no more,” they drop me like hot iron.
The first relationship I had, the guy had nothing but I believed in potential. While worked, fed him and called people with contacts to help him. Bobo was too satisfied with being at home and cooking for me. I wanted a man who wanted more for his life than that. One day, I found he was sleeping with the nanny of one of our neighbours…got her pregnant, too.
I sent him packing; imagine, I had been working and feeding him and his nanny babe!
Ha!
The second guy was into drugs; we had done introductions and engagement; we were planning the weeding which was two weeks to when this happened. We had a misunderstanding about venue of the wedding one evening and he beat me black and blue…
Can you imagine? I never marry dem don beat me like say I be thief…I waka comot, o!
Upon say this guy didn’t have shinshin, I was sponsoring most of the items on the list o. I bought our rings, paid for our wedding cake, paid for the venue and catering…the only money he dropped was for his suit and shoes he was to wear on that day!
After these incidents, I dated some more but they were nothing serious because guys out there just want hookups, they don’t want any kind of commitment.
I then decided that, I would do married men, what’s the point of doing hookup and I’ll still be the one they would borrow money from and not pay back?
Nah! I dumped that shit and began to do married men with money.
When I met Steve, he was already a director in one of these big companies in Lagos. I won’t mention the name. He was doing well, two cars, a driver.
At the beginning, he lied to me that he wasn’t married, I sensed it was a lie. In his mid40s, was in a good position at work and he was lying about his marital status. I told him upfront, then “I can’t be with you, there’s something not right with you if you say you aren’t married.”
He didn’t even say, “Oh, I’m married but divorced…he lied out rightly and denied it. He even took me to his house in Lekki…still something didn’t feel right.
But he was a good guy. He gave me lots of gifts, attention and money too…still I was uneasy he was good in bed, not great. So how come someone ‘good,’ isn’t married?
His driver would come to deliver things to me, he would send the man to pick me up for functions or to bring me to his house. I felt something wasn’t right, even my friends attested to the same thing, he was too smooth. But I found nothing, I searched his phones, met a few of his friends who called me, “our wife” and after some time, I began to relax…I thought, maybe I was just being paranoid.
Then some 8 months later; I lost a friend of mine, we went to school together; I was drafted as one of the friends from our old school association to go visit her parents.
There were four of us that represented our old school at this late friend’s parents’ house. You know, by some stroke of luck, I had got up to use the toilet shortly before Steve and one woman came in. Immediately I heard his voice, something told me to hide! I ran into the kitchen and stayed for a while. I heard my friend’s mother greet Steve and his “iyawo,” wife.
I should have known:
I wanted to faint. My heart was beating so fast, I was sweating, crying inwardly and cursing myself for being stupid. Should I go out and confront him?
Should I run?
Should I…
I decided to go out through the back door; I called one of my friends and told her the man who had just come in was someone I wanted to avoid, so I had to go unannounced.
That evening, I cried!
When Steve called, I pretended there was nothing and asked him if he could come over.
When he did, I confronted him and you know what? He didn’t bother to deny it! He said he told me so because he didn’t want to lose me.
He said he and his wife had been separated for more than 7 years and that he went with her because the lady that died happened to be her cousin!
He asked if I had ever met any woman in his house all these while, if I had seen him with any other woman or if his friends had in any way suggested he had a wife and kids elsewhere?
I said no, so he said, “she’s been dead to me all these years, which is why I said, I am not married.”
He apologised and we made up…he slept at my place that night!
I resumed my relationship with him; telling myself, at least, now I know, there will be no woman lurking in the shadows to fight me.
I was wrong:
A few months after that incident, I went to Steve’s house; I took an Uber there, telling myself I would stay overnight. I was feeling like his madam. I cooked, cleaned…as per madam na and afterwards went upstairs to shower!
Then I heard noises downstairs, a woman’s voice and a few other people, down stairs…they were in the sitting room…I went downstairs to see…
Next thing, I saw Steve rushing past me, I followed him fast, thinking something terrible had happened…
It was his wife and three others. As soon as the woman saw me, she came charging at me, calling me names, she had picked up a vase on the table and flung it at me. It hit me straight on the head!
Before I knew what was happening, she was on me, hitting me, tearing my clothes, calling me ‘ashawo, home breaker…’
Nobody stopped her as she beat me.
In short, there was no name she didn’t call me that evening.
See, I could have fought back, I couldn’t; you know when shame paralyses you?
Steve had run away!
I think that was what took the fight out of my body; see the person who should’ve been defending me ran out the door. So how would I have fought all four of the? There were two men and another woman with Steve’s wife.
The only thing I am thankful for that evening is that they let me call an Uber and it was night.
I have been so traumatised by this event that I haven’t had the guts to leave my house in almost two weeks!
But you know what’s worse?
Steve has refused to pick my calls, my texts are unanswered, my mails unacknowledged…
So is he still married?
It had to be so because he ran away. If he was separated as he claimed, why would he run and leave me to her mercy?
I am slowly getting over it…I have to go out and fend for myself or I will starve…
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)