Sometime in 2006, Dupe, a married woman in her late 30s, attended a finance seminar organised by her church. She was thrilled to finally understand the rudiments of wealth building and the benefits of buying shares and bonds and when she got home she shared her excitement and knowledge with her husband, a mid level executive who agreed with her that it was time they ventured into building a financial legacy for the family.
The snag was how to put aside resources to invest as both their incomes were already stretched. Some weeks later, Dupe learnt she was eligible for a soft loan at work, she applied for the sum of N250,000.00 which was approved on the condition that she repaid the sum over a period of 10 months at N25,000.00 per month from her monthly salary of N50,000.00. Together with her husband, they visited the office of a recommended stockbroker to buy shares. On getting there, and after being advised on the viable shares, they paid the total amount borrowed, which was divided amongst the shares of five multinational companies. As they turned to leave the stockbrokers office, she again asked what name the shares should be bought in.
Dupe and her husband looked at themselves and agreed they could be bought in her husband’s name even though the stockbroker had advised that the shares could be bought in both their names.
Dupe singlehandedly paid up the loan, happy in the knowledge that her family had made small steps up the ladder of financial independence and surely, the dividends started to come in and the value of their shares began to rise. It took some time for her to notice, but some four years later, Dupe realised that she had stopped seeing their dividend warrants amongst the stack of dividends left at their address which incidentally was used as a forwarding address by many family members for the dispatch of their dividend warrants. Upon asking her husband, he casually informed her that he had sold the shares to defray some expenses. When she got upset that he did so without her knowledge, she was accused of wanting to be in control of the management of their resources just because she took out a loan to buy the shares. Dupe was sorely disappointed but she took heart, saved and bought some shares solely in her name. When he found out, her husband said she was trying to prove a point to him in so doing, so the next batch of shares Dupe bought, she bought in both their names and secured the shares by ensuring that the bank account opened to lodge the dividends of the shares was with the mandate that both of them had to sign for the monies in the account.
Agbeke was in her mid 50s when she opened her first sole bank account some four years ago. She had always been an entrepreneur and had managed several successful businesses but all the proceeds of her businesses went into the joint account she operated with her husband even though he had his own personal accounts. Truth be told, Agbeke could withdraw any amount from the joint account but her husband was always aware of how much she withdrew and expected an account of how she spent the money she took. They bought several properties paid for from the joint account however, most of the properties were bought solely in her husband’s name because he was a realtor and it was easier for him to manage them being in the real estate sector and the few that were in their joint names were also managed by her husband who could sign her signature on her behalf.
A discussion about wills and estate planning at an alumni meeting opened Agbeke’s eyes to the fact that in the event of the inevitable, she would have to pay probate fees to administer their properties because most were not in her name. That knowledge and a desire to be free from the control of her husband financially, made her open a separate account for her businesses. That singular act became a sore point between herself and her husband who wondered who she had been talking to that was giving her ideas to keep her money separate from his.
Long story short, she and her husband are on the warpath today because he has decided to sell some of their properties without her consent and has shared their property portfolio giving her less valuable property whilst he takes the most valuable ones on the ground that he contributed more in buying the property even though most of them and particularly the jewel amongst the properties was bought on her prompting.
Tinuke was shocked to her bones when she received her husband divorce petition which was silent on the properties they co-owned. She remembered the last time she saw her husband and how he had serenaded her and asked for title documents for the properties which were in her possession saying he thought they should be kept in a safe vault rather than at home and took them ostensibly to do so. She almost fainted when her husband testified in court that he did not co-own any property with her. Luckily and unbeknownst to her husband, she had extra copies of receipts, survey plan and agreements of the properties which bore both their names and photocopies of cheques she issued from her company account to some of the sellers of the property and it was based on the evidence she tendered that the court adjudged both properties as belonging to both she and her husband.
All the three stories I have recounted are true and I am personally acquainted with each of the women. They have authorised me to tell snippets of their story to warn other woman about what could happen to them because they are aware that when a woman is convinced that she is building with a man, she mostly often lets down her guard and will put in her best and all to ensure that “their dreams” come true. They know that she will do so even though many may sneer at her naivety and show her records of others that were betrayed by their men. They know she does so because she trusts her man wholeheartedly and cannot conceive the thought of the man betraying her.
When the unthinkable happens and the men turn the tables and ask what the woman contributed to their elevated status many women feel foolish, embarrassed and ashamed for allowing themselves to be in the position that they find themselves and many are now speaking out to their children and younger woman never to build with a man without safeguarding their own interests. It’s the reason why today’s women are vehement about having their own money, their own properties and would not consent to anything less than their names being on the title documents of properties they co-own with their husbands. It’s one of the reasons why the bride’s family will give expensive gifts in the name of only their daughter, especially when her husband is not of the same financial background as them.
It’s funny that most men when thinking about their marriage vows expect (rightly so) that their women’s finances come within the purview of the marriage vows and will rely on it when they have nothing but see her input as inconsequential when they become wealthy. I also find it funny that some women, who did not contribute in any way, whether financially or emotionally to the building of the family finances, turn around to say they co-own the man’s property.
There is an insidious evil eating deep into the fabric of many marriages and it has a name – Greed. It is greed that makes one partner hoard what both should freely share or allot to the other what they think they should have rather than give them free access. It is greed that green eyed monster that has contributed to the sad state of affairs we have in many homes today.