Some people are just not meant to be together; that’s why when I see some couples bashing themselves, I just wonder, must you guys be married? Must you live as husband and wife?
And I am not here talking about domestic abuse; I am talking about couples who can’t have children together and yet and they insist on living in miserable marriages.
Of course, if they are happy with one another, I really have no issues with that; it’s when they insist on staying together even when one partner is cheating on the other, that gets me upset.
Why am I talking in circles?
I have a story to tell.
It happened to me.
I was married to a first husband; for 8 years; we lived miserably. Mainly because we both felt the reasons we weren’t happy with one another was because we didn’t have children. We are both doctors by the way; we each knew there was nothing wrong with the other but some how the babies just didn’t come.
The chemistry we had just wasn’t gelling with our biology. Period.
Incidentally, the only reason we got married was because I got pregnant. Yes, we were just dating, we weren’t even too serious with one another; you know and I missed my period, by the third month, I had all symptoms of pregnancy.
I told him about it and he, after a few days decided we should get married. Yes. I wasn’t too sure but it sounded like a good idea. So, I went along with it; we were bot infatuated, both in love with the idea of love itself.
Both parents on each side were also surprised, they said they didn’t know we were serious; though we didn’t tell them about my pregnancy, they just asked us if we were sure, we say yes and that was it; we were both in our late 20s and already doctors so it looked like a perfect thing…
But, it wasn’t!
A few weeks before the wedding, I lost the pregnancy; the wedding still held. We had given out invites, rented halls, sold aso ebis, done souvenirs, hall paid for, caterers and band paid for…you just don’t back out of such elaborate arrangements.
We got married o and right from that beginning, it was a downward slide. it was clear the pregnancy united us; when it was no longer there, we lost interest in one another.
They say love is blind and marriage an eye opener, I am not sure I went in blind, I just wanted out of my parents home among other things.
Then I couldn’t get pregnant again.
I tried or should I say we tried when we were not fighting, which was fewer than when we were. Nothing happened. In fact, I did not pregnant, not to talk of having a miscarriage!
After eight years of making ourselves miserable; I moved out.
I moved into the home of an old flame who relocated abroad but kept his home in Lagos.
Like I said, he was an old flame. He was the one I turned to when the problems in my marriage overwhelmed me. He too was also married then of course but his home was just unoccupied and he told me to stay there until I got back on my feet.
I was grateful. I had no desire to go house hunting or face the trouble of buying furniture to start a new life, so I stayed there for close to a year.
I was there when my flame came home for holidays…
See, these things weren’t planned, ok? I knew he was coming home but I didn’t think anything would happen…
I became pregnant. Yesss! For who else? My old flame of course!
I didn’t want marriage, I just wanted to keep my child.
My first husband, had also moved on, in fact six months after I left the house, his girlfriend moved in. He also became a father!
Oh yes!
So it was 1-1 goalless draw!
These kinds of stories travel fast.
Now, of course, I will continue to call him my old flame, because I don’t want to confuse you, ok?
So my flame, who is now my baby daddy, told me I could remain in that house…he went back abroad and kept me a secret for a long time; I too didn’t want to be responsible for him breaking up with his wife but I wanted a child and I got one from him!
Well, like I said, news travels fast. His madam abroad found out about me and our son and you know over there, the woman just throws the man out in the cold!
He got his stuff together and came back to Nigeria.
He hadn’t even spent six months back here when I became pregnant again…for someone who had lived 8years in a previous marriage and no child!
And guess what?
My first husband and his wife, they too had another child, same period I had a second child. 2-2 goalless.
Let me add here; I wasn’t chasing my first husband for baby scores. I just wanted to tell a story that if two people are not compatible, let it go. Today, my ex and I have two children each who are about the same ages.
If we had remained together, the anger and bitterness we had for one another would have led us to harm one another. I am almost sure of that. But today…my flame is now my husband. Madam abroad is also involved with someone else, as I heard…
See? Everybody won.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)