Thoughts on providing help to people in need
A little over a year ago, a young man hawking bottled water in a bus garage in Onitsha, Nigeria, went viral. He was caught on camera passionately promoting a well-known water brand with an impressive command of English. His captivating sales pitch set him apart from others selling the same product. Someone recorded his performance, shared the video online, and tagged the water brand, suggesting they make him an ambassador.
As is often the case with viral moments, the brand took notice. Impressed by his charisma and marketing skills, they decided to support him. They provided him with a fully stocked store worth about eight million naira, a generator, a deep freezer, a tricycle, and a cash award. It was a classic rags-to-riches story, the kind of fairy tale success many dream of — going from humble beginnings to a life-changing windfall overnight.
But about a year later, another video of Dr H2O surfaced. This time, he was being interviewed by a social media influencer. To the shock of many, he claimed he had lost everything. When asked how it happened, he said he had been attacked spiritually after setting up his shop. He seemed bewildered by his own misfortune, saying, “I can’t explain it. I think about it every night. I’m very, very shocked. That’s why when someone asks me about this, I don’t even know how to explain it, because I’m shocked.”
My initial reaction was one of frustration. Here was someone who had been handed an opportunity most people could only dream of, yet he had squandered it. Instead of taking responsibility for what had happened, he blamed his failure on spiritual forces — an all-too-common excuse in our society.
But upon deeper reflection, I began to see the situation differently. The brand saw an opportunity to extend its reach by helping him, but did he ever ask for help in the first place? More importantly, did he request the specific type of help that was provided? What if his true aspirations lay elsewhere — perhaps in returning to school, learning a technical skill, or even working in an office setting? Too often, well-meaning individuals and organizations assume they know what kind of help people need, only to provide assistance that ultimately leads to failure. This issue is not unique to individuals; entire nations have struggled with misdirected aid from foreign donors.
Another question arises: Did Dr H2O himself believe he was ready for such a drastic change in his circumstances? When he accepted the brand’s offer, did he fully understand the responsibilities that came with running a business? Perhaps he saw it as his golden opportunity and went along with the plan despite knowing, deep down, that he wasn’t equipped for it.
On the brand’s part, one must wonder whether they conducted any due diligence to assess his ability to manage such an enterprise. Did they provide him with any form of business training or financial literacy education? While they assigned him a supervisor, was there any structured mentorship or accountability system in place? Without the necessary skills and guidance, overnight success can quickly turn into overnight failure.
Every time someone shares a story about helping someone who eventually mismanaged the opportunity, I think about Dr H2O and several personal experiences. I recall instances where people were loaned money to get through tough times but never repaid it. Others received interest-free loans with nothing to show for it. Some were granted access to influential people but squandered the opportunity. Some were given special favours, possibly at the expense of more deserving candidates, yet failed to capitalize on them.
One key observation is that many people, both givers and receivers, tend to equate help with financial assistance. When someone approaches you with a problem, there’s a high chance they are expecting money. Similarly, when people think of offering help, their first instinct is often to provide financial aid. But is money always the best form of assistance?
In cases where I have tried to offer non-monetary assistance — such as providing a tangible item, offering advice, or connecting someone with a valuable contact — I have sometimes noticed subtle dissatisfaction or even outright rejection. This raises an interesting question: Do people truly understand the kind of help they need, or am I the one misjudging their situation?
Helping others is often framed as a selfless act, something to be done without expectations. But should there be accountability in giving? Once you help someone, do you have the right to follow up and inquire about how they used the assistance?
Many recipients of help adopt the mindset that they owe no explanations once they have received what they asked for. But this perspective is flawed. In reality, help should come with some level of responsibility — both from the giver and the receiver. Without accountability, people can easily fall into a cycle of dependence, always returning for more assistance without making any real progress.
Another challenge is the sense of entitlement that often accompanies requests for help. Many believe they must be supported simply because they are someone’s sibling, friend, or close associate. This mindset has led many well-meaning individuals into a cycle of constantly bailing people out of bad decisions, only for them to keep coming back.
Some people become like children who are always carried and never learn to walk. A friend once put it succinctly: “They become victims of your generosity.” Instead of empowering them, constant rescue efforts reinforce their dependence, preventing them from developing the skills and mindset needed to stand on their own.
After considering various experiences and reflections, I have come to a tough but necessary conclusion: Helping some people is an absolute waste of time. This is not to say that helping others is inherently hopeless, but rather that certain conditions must be met for help to be effective. Some people do not truly understand what kind of assistance they need. Others are not ready to receive and sustain the help provided. And some lack the discipline and determination to make good use of an opportunity.
If we continue to support people who fall into these categories, they will keep coming back, not because they lack opportunities, but because they do not know how to maximize them. The cycle will continue indefinitely, leaving both the giver and the receiver frustrated.
Helping others is a noble and important act, but it must be done wisely. Before extending assistance, we must take time to understand what the person truly needs — not just what they say they want. More importantly, we must ensure they are prepared to take responsibility for whatever support they receive.
Rather than simply handing out resources, we should focus on equipping people with the skills, knowledge, and mindset necessary to sustain themselves. Teaching someone how to fish is far more valuable than giving them a fish. In doing so, we ensure that our help leads to long-term self-sufficiency rather than short-term relief.
As we navigate the complexities of offering help, let us remember that true support goes beyond temporary fixes. It involves guiding, teaching, and sometimes even stepping back to let people learn through their own experiences. After all, the goal should not just be to lift people up — it should be to help them stand on their own. This is the way I see things today.