I don’t know about other people but one thing that has never ceased to amaze me is the ability that some people have to withstand severe battles in their lives and come out of them even better than they went in. When I say battles, I mean things that would weaken lesser mortals, repeated crisis or blows, trauma, terminal sickness, addictions, pain and discomfort lasting a couple of years.
How do you explain for example, how a woman overcomes being raped by her mothers lover at 8yrs, testifying in court against him, hearing of the death of the man possibly at the hands of her uncles which resulted in her becoming mute for 5 years because according to her, mentioning the name of her abuser killed him and “she thought she will never speak again because her voice would kill someone.”,
How about having a baby at the age of 17 after having unprotected sex because she wanted to be sure she wasn’t a lesbian; working in a nightclub as a dancer and later as a prostitute, having her young child abducted by his father and ending up being a widely acclaimed and celebrated teacher, writer , composer and poet. Yes, I am talking about Maya Angelou.
How does one move from disaster after disaster after disaster and still make something of their lives? How does one reach rock bottom and use the rocks to climb up? How does one come from abject poverty and work their way up the list of the world’s greatest? How does a drug addict or alcoholic find the power to give up his habit and quieten his demons? What makes some people rise above their circumstances? What gives them that inner grit, that motivation to move on, the staying power to persevere, the hope to dare to think that things will get better?
Why don’t they succumb to the despair and darkness around them?
What do these survivors have that is lacking in us all? What makes them press on when everything around them says give up, lie down, allow death to steal over you.
I am fascinated by people like this because I honestly believe that I do not have what it takes to be a modern day “Job.” I don’t like sustained attacks and I get very weary rather than strengthened when I see the end of the tunnel approaching. So when I see someone who has made it against all odds I wonder at what super powers and endowments they have that we ordinary mortals lack.
It is rightly said, that adversity introduces a person to themselves for we know not what lies within us until we are forced to look inwards and I dare say that if they were to have been asked a-forehand about their reaction to the incidents that have shaped their lives, many survivors would opine that they wouldn’t have survived them talk-less of thriving after the events.
There is no doubt though that something puts some people above others and it is heartwarming to know that the traits they exhibit can be learned though not taught and that they are developed mostly through unconscious daily habits. It’s been said that the topmost traits of the survivors are as follows:-
- Faith – this includes both religious faith in God and faith in and from another. When we believe that a higher power is backing us up, is for us and that nothing happens without his knowledge we receive strength to face and overcome life ‘s difficulties. 1st Corinthians 10:13 is a scripture that has held me through many a rough time because it assures me that my path is not much different from others, that I have the wherewithal to survive and that there is a way of escape. Also equally important is the faith, love and support which others express towards us on the battleground
- Adaptability- the ability to handle change. I am of the opinion that the ability to adapt is one of the strongest traits of a survivor. For so many of us we tend to look backwards, clinging to what is gone rather than making do of what exists. Adaptability helps us to consider what is before us and to use it to our advantage. “It is not the strongest or most intelligent of the species that survives but the one most adaptable to change”- Charles Darwin.
- Courage- the ability to look fear in the eye and go forward. Many of us think courage means the absence of fear but it isn’t. Survivors feel fear, they taste it, they know it too well nevertheless they do not allow fear to cripple them or kill them before they die.
- Determination/ stubbornness/ strong willingness/staying power- the ability to be focused , to let nothing stop one . To push through obstacles in our paths regardless of the odds with a goal in mind. Like I said earlier I tire easily and need to take breaks often during my battles but most survivors manage to stay in the war front for long periods of time without tiring.
- Resilience- the ability to withstand adversity, bounce back and grow from difficulties. It takes accepting one’s position, working through the pain, tapping one’s inward strength, being objective, choosing one’s response and asking for and receiving support from others.
- Optimism and hope- these two are somewhat entwined. The optimist is an incurable hopeful. Survivors believe a tomorrow will come and that it will be better than today.
- Self discipline – the ability to put one’s normal responses ( feelings) , weaknesses and reactions in control without them getting the better of one. It is said that the more we exercise self-restraint, the stronger we become. This is the main trait that helps us put our bodies and its desires and lusts under control and as I have discovered it is possible to have self discipline in some aspects of our lives than in others.
Also identified as survival traits are the ability not to take one’s self too seriously, to find humor in one’s situation, to remain calm and to look beyond one’s self.
The truth is that we seldom tap into our hidden reservoirs of strength until faced with adversity but our positive natural and learned daily habits can ensure that there is an appreciable buildup of strength when we need it. Dark times are here worldwide and they will get darker still, the earlier we begin to imbibe and adopt the survivors traits the better our chances for surviving and thriving.
May we like the Phoenix, that mystical bird that always rises from the ashes of defeat, be reborn, rise above all difficult times and thrive thereafter.