Imagine a group of young adults at a party, but instead of chatting with each other, nearly everyone is glued to their phones, texting or endlessly scrolling through social media. A few wear wireless earphones, lost in their own world—listening and dancing to music only they can hear—a phenomenon known as a silent-disco.
One of them, Ada, notices how disconnected everyone seems and decides to put her phone down to talk to someone. However, she struggles to keep the conversation because the other party is distracted by their phone, she has run out of things to discuss and does not even know the right responses to give to the questions she is asked.
Tobi, a 12-year-old boy spends most of his time in his room playing games. His parents are busy with work and often rely on technology to keep him entertained. Family dinners, once a time for conversation and connection, are now rare. As a result, Tobi does not get many opportunities to practice his social skills with his family. When he finally must interact with others, like at a school event, he feels out of place and unsure of how to start a conversation.
Olu’s parents are highly protective, shielding him from every potential challenge or conflict. They often intervene in his interactions, solving problems for him before he has a chance to work through them on his own. As a result, Olu grows up without learning how to handle difficult social situations. When he gets to the university, he finds himself overwhelmed by the social demands of living with roommates and interacting with a diverse group of people.
When we were growing up, we spent afternoons playing outside with neighborhood kids. We made up games, fought and settled disputes on our own without involving adults and learned how to cooperate with each other. Conversely, our children spend their childhood afternoons either in structured activities like lessons, soccer practice, piano lessons etc or on the various technology devices and as most of us live in gated estates, many of our children are locked up in the house and they do not physically play with other children apart from the limited time they are in school.
There is a serious dearth of social skills amongst today ‘s youth as seen in the stories I have recounted. In many schools today, the focus is heavily on academic achievement, often at the expense of social and emotional learning. Students are constantly pressured to excel in their studies and with the packed schedules of classes, homework, and extracurricular activities and the pressure on parents to provide for their families, there’s little time left for social interaction. Our children are getting to the workplace and are being declared misfits not because they don’t have the requisite skills for work but because they lack social skills and emotional intelligence. They don’t have much practice in negotiating social dynamics on their own. They find it easier to communicate through text messages or online platforms than face-to-face, leading to a decline in their ability to engage in meaningful conversations. This reliance on digital communication has stunted their social skills, making real-life interactions awkward and challenging for them both with their peers and people of all ages.
I was speaking with Rhoda Odigboh a curriculum theorist the other day and she was empathetic on the importance of the social and emotional development of a child and how schools and parents need to develop a curriculum that integrates it into both the academic learning and social experience of the child. She says that having been in the educational space for over 20 years, there is ample evidence to state that the social and emotional curriculum is a MUST for our children, and that it is best taught in our homes and reinforced by the schools.
You may be wondering what exactly social or interpersonal skills are, and simply put, they are the tools we use to interact with others effectively. They include both verbal communication (e.g., speaking clearly, listening actively) and non-verbal communication (e.g., body language, eye contact). Social skills also encompass emotional intelligence, empathy, and the ability to navigate social situations smoothly.
In a world that values collaboration and connection, social skills are indispensable. They play a crucial role in building relationships, resolving conflicts, and creating a harmonious environment, whether in the workplace or personal life. Without them, misunderstandings, isolation, and conflicts will arise.
The benefits of having good social skills can never be overstated. In the workplace they help foster positive relationships with colleagues, which are essential for a cohesive work environment. They aid in promotion because effective leaders are often those with strong social skills, able to communicate their vision clearly, inspire and motivate their team, and manage conflicts constructively. They are often the differentiator in career advancement. While technical skills are important, the ability to network, present ideas effectively, and build professional relationships will significantly impact one’s career trajectory. Employers value individuals who can not only do their job well but also work well with others.
In relationships, whether with family members, friends or a significant other, social skills help with understanding others’ emotions, expressing one’s own feelings, and finding common ground. Emotional intelligence, a key aspect of social skills, involves being aware of and managing one’s emotions, as well as recognizing and influencing the emotions of others. In handling disagreements, social skills such as patience, empathy, and constructive communication allow individuals to resolve conflicts without damaging the relationship.
The consequences of Poor Social Skills can be dire and lead to mental health problems, isolation, the inability to form connections and establish meaningful relationships.
The good news is that social skills and emotional intelligence can be learnt by every and anyone at any age whatsoever. For children, scenario and social stimulation or role-playing helps in passing across the skills unconsciously and as Rhoda postulates, this can be included in the normal academic curriculum of the schools. For adults they can be honed over time with practice and self-reflection. I honed my skills by reading books on self development, engaging in self-assessment and seeking feedback to help identify areas for improvement. Also, I opened myself to new social experiences which have helped me to learn better ways of communicating with others and seeing life from different perspectives.
Today, look at your children, especially those ones who are still at home with you, evaluate them, are they able to hold their own? Can they interact well with other people irrespective of their ages or social stature? Also take a good look at your own social skills, ask people for their opinions on how well you interact with others and take proactive steps to improve them either through formal or informal training.
We all need these skills throughout our lifetime, we had better start learning and honing them now because they have the ability to make or break us.