I like looking at people. It’s one of my favorite pastimes. When I go to parties, I don’t go just for the food , drinks and dancing, I go to look at people. What they wear, how they look, they way they carry themselves etc I love the clap backs amongst the men, the preening by the women, the furtive glances between secret lovers and yet to be lovers. The human species intrigues me.
However, nowadays I am beginning to get bored because it seems everyone looks the same. The same tiny waist, voluptuous behind, same tattoo, same skin shade, same makeup – arched brow. Lashes that will lift them off the floor if they mistakenly flap their arms. The same gele styles , it seems to me that everyone is reading the same book titled “ how to look perfect”.
It’s the same way I feel on social media. Everyone is becoming obsessed with looking perfect. Having the perfect holiday, marriage, kids etc and it’s affecting us in many ways that we cannot begin to comprehend. Please don’t misunderstand me, we should all strive to be better versions of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with improving oneself or parts of our bodies that need tweaking as I recently did when I decided to micro-blade my eyebrows. The experience is one I will write about someday. It was borne out of convenience and not the desire to look like everyone as most people have had to look at me closely before they can tell I went through the procedure.
Perfection is an ideal that we all unwittingly strive towards. It is good yet it can be bad. Very bad as it creates a discontent within us that makes every achievement pale into insignificance in the face of the Eldorado we have created in our minds. Today we are faced with all sort of things we can do to make “our lives perfect.” The greatest of them is plastic surgery.
I am amazed going through the streets of social media, at the number of young people undergoing invasive surgery in a bid to make their bodies look perfect. It’s either by changing their skin tone or the shape of different parts of their bodies. People in their 20s are doing procedures such as Botox not for any medical reasons like excessive sweating but to ensure they don’t have wrinkles . They want to correct every flaw they have because society is telling them it doesn’t look right and makes them imperfect.
It’s so easy to be discontent with oneself and I must admit that I too have been a victim of the trap of perfection. I have held an image of what I think spells perfection and gone at it with much vigor just to find out that as a human being I am undoubtedly flawed and will ever be flawed. Does that mean I shouldn’t try to be a better version of what I am now? Of course not. As humans, we have a vacuum that strives for perfection maybe because we were once perfect at the dawn of time and we ache to go back to that place.
It is said that there are three types of perfectionism
Self oriented this is the kind that comes from within. It’s that driving force that makes us want to do or be better than we’ve done or been in the past. It can be highly motivating but it is unforgiving when we don’t reach the mark it sets for us.
Socially prescribed this is the one i have described , the perfection foisted on us by a society that tells us that we need to look a certain way or have certain things, attributes to be accepted as being perfect. We eventually find out most times that we can never met up with the standards for as soon as we achieve one milestone a new one is set before us.
Other oriented perfection- This is when we project our standards on others expecting them to achieve what we couldn’t and cannot. This is finding disappointment in others for things we can’t bear to see in ourselves. This is seen mostly when parents urge their children to attain heights they may not have attained themselves but wished they had.
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen
In our quest for perfection we try to become who we are not and that is why we can never be satisfied with who we become because we can never be enough. It’s why after the nose job we will do a chin lift , a tummy tuck, bum lift and the list goes on.
“The search for perfection is all good and well…But to look for heaven is to live here in hell.” –Sting
Perfectionism is a curse. It’s pursuit will always leave us never living in the moment and missing out on the good things we do have. To break free of its bonds we must accept that it is a mirage and that we will never be or have the perfect spouse, parent, children, friends, employees, employers etc. We must acknowledge that we and each person is unique and that what we each bring to the table is authentic ?
The only perfection is in being present, yet the perfectionist is never present- Mel Schwartz.
If the truth is to be said , the need for perfection and the degree to which we seek it speaks volumes of our insecurities ,our lack of self esteem, our unhappiness with who we are and what we have achieved and our feelings of not being enough. It seems that our desire for perfectionism is the only compensation we can find for our lives that will make us measure up to others.
Perfection implies that we have reached a level of excellence which cannot be exceeded and while that may work when we think of tasks and machines it doesn’t work in our personal lives. We will always be flawed and we must learn to live with it and take advantage of those flaws.
So is perfection negative or positive. To answer the question we must ask ourselves why we seek to be better than we are- is it to compensate for what we wished we were or just because we know we can do better or be than we presently are doing. The secret to living a perfect life is being contentment with who we are and what we have, when we find contentment we will find perfection.
Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson