I am sure you all have heard of Okafor’s law? That unwritten law that states that once you’ve had good sex with a partner, you will always find it easy to bed them again. I wonder if it is true, do we have access to a person’s body again and again just because we had access once. Are there rules or exceptions to this law or is it absolute? Is it a belief that is held just by men or do women share that belief also?
In my search for answers, I stumbled on a definition by The Urban dictionary which affirms the existence of the law, “Stating that it applies mainly to men and that it exists if one has been involved with a girl for a period of time and did a good job in and out of the bedroom (mostly in..), the belief is that one can always go to the girl at any given time and sleep with her again no matter what situation arises (breakups, different lover, etc..)”
Apparently, most men believe in the veracity of this law, they give instances of how they were able to end up with a woman eons after they had been with her just because they knew how to make her open her legs, not once but every time. Though, I did get the vibe that some are upset as to the name “ Okafor” as they prefer that it be named after them as they see themselves as good lovers who will always be invited for a second bite at the cherry.
The truth is the fact also, that although a large number of women agree that the law exists, they say there are exceptions to the rule. It depends on their emotional health at the time they are approached; if they have a partner that is at par or even better than their “Okafor”, the health of their present relationship – the knowledge that they are still irresistible is key. Surprisingly, the body, physique and general appearance of the men as someone put it “I can’t sleep with a sloven pig even if he knows how to press my mumu button” was more important than how much he had when it came to sleeping with an ex.
I must say that a lot of them were bemused by the fact that men believe that there are no exceptions to the rule and that they can always slip into the sheets of someone they had been with before. I agree with them, because for most women sex is an intentional act they consciously go into. Please don’t get me wrong it may be spontaneous but it’s something they would have considered doing with the man in question and so many times when the man thinks he is the main actor, he may in fact be playing a supporting role unbeknownst to him.
So why does this law exist?
1. People are not getting good sex from their present partners. This is the number one reason proffered by both men and women for going back to their ex’s and validating the Law. As many put it, if I can get the same quality of sex with my partner why will I heed the call of an “Okafor”? This is especially true for married women who are bored sexually or whose husbands are incompetent or have the mindset that wives are not supposed to engage in some styles, positions or sexual acts.
2. Longings for past feelings and experiences. In an attempt to recreate how they felt with a particular lover, many go back to them but most times they find out that it’s not quite the same as their tastes, preferences and desires may have changed. I will liken it to the fact that some food taste better when eaten as a child than when one becomes an adult because as children, our palettes were fresh and inexperienced and colored with a lot of unrealistic idealism.
3. Revenge on their present partner. When it comes to sex revenge, the most often available partner is an Ex who may not know why she or he have suddenly become desirable. The thinking behind this, is since I have been naked and vulnerable with this person before, it is easier to do so than with a new person.
4. A game or challenge carried out by individuals who seek to reassure themselves about their attractiveness; some could also have been egged on by friends as is the case in the film “Okafor’s Law”.
As far as I am concerned the main reason this law exists is because on the part of the partner who welcomes it – we allow it and for the partner who initiates it- selfishness. The truth is that the desires and passions behind Okafor’s law has to do with us and not about the other person. It’s the way we feel when we have sex with them, the way we enjoy our control over them and the way we manipulate others. For a woman, the mere fact that a man keeps coming back to you for sex doesn’t necessarily mean he loves you or that you are super in bed, it just may be that you are convenient and that you satisfy his base desires and it really is the same vice versa.
It has nothing to do with love but the mere expression and fulfillment of physical desires and we must be honest enough to admit to ourselves the reasons why we allow it and engage in it.