Mama, where my other testicle dey?
Twenty-one-year-old Ayo was hurled into a state of disbelief and confusion when on British TV series, The Sex Clinic, it was disclosed to him that he was missing a testicle. After examining Ayo’s nethers, the doctor said, “So I can only feel one testicle…have you only ever had one testicle?” A shook Ayo put a call through to his mother live on camera. “The doctor told me I only have one testicle; do you know why that is? Was it removed, or just, like, never found? Was I born with just one testicle or what?” After much meandering, his mother finally clarified, “I think you just had one.” Hmmm. But how did Bros not notice he had one testicle in this era of raging hormones and Vaseline?
Imo State and the man ‘under duress’
The Returning Officer for the Imo West Senatorial District election, Professor Ibeawuchi Innocent, said he declared Governor Rochas Okorocha the winner of the poll under duress. He made the allegation on Monday while announcing the results of the poll held in the district. He then went on to declare that “Okorocha Anayo Rochas of APC, having satisfied the requirements of the law, has scored the highest number of votes, is hereby declared the winner and returned elected.” Governor Rochas Okorocha defended himself by saying, “That guy is playing a script…I must ask the INEC REC to quickly correct some of these abnormalities.” LOL. Naija, I hail o. But shebi Oga Rochas has won, whether under duress or not? That Commissioner for Happiness is really working her magic.
In Venezuela: You talk anyhow, see anyhow
Univision, the leading Spanish-language TV network in the US, said its team was briefly detained in the Venezuelan presidential palace where they had been interviewing President Nicolás Maduro. One of the journalists, Jorge Ramos said Mr Maduro ‘had not liked’ some of the questions about ‘the lack of democracy in Venezuela, torture, political prisoners and the humanitarian crisis’. Chai. Later someone will now come and say the pen is mightier than the sword. Mtcheew.
Photocopy ko easy
A Federal High Court in Jos has sacked a member of the Plateau State House of Assembly, Ibrahim Hassan, for forging his academic certificate. The lawmaker had claimed to have obtained a business administration diploma from the University of Jos. University of Jos registrar, Monday Danje, however, denied issuance of the certificate by the institution and declared it as fake. “I wonder (why) a person whose diploma certificate is proved to have been forged (is) sitting and making law. I wonder the laws that he will make for the development of his constituency and by extension, the state as a whole,” the presiding judge Musa Kurya said. Thank God I didn’t forge my certificate. I only used Ctrl C + Ctrl V. If you know you know.
Worst behavior: What happens when you can’t hold a fart
Forty-four-year-old Detective Constable Claire Fitzpatrick could lose her job for farting in front of other officers and using strong language around the police station. In a bid to prevent herself being fired she said that the behaviour was part of a ‘culture of banter’ at her village police station in Bedwas, south Wales. Aside farting, Claire Fitzpatrick’s offences include telling a suspect ‘you’re driving like a c**t’, asking a junior colleague if he wanted an affair with a ‘fatter, ugly, older woman’ and asking another colleague in a busy station for thrush cream. Tufiakwa! This Aunty deserves 30 lashes of Rev King’s flogging.