I no go fall hand again, Buhari promises
President Muhammadu Buhari assured Nigerians that he would work harder in his second term which he described as his last lap to address the challenges facing the country, adding he would not let them down. He gave the assurance to Chioma…sorry, to Nigerians when he had audience with leadership of the Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF), when they paid him a congratulatory visit in the Presidential Villa, Abuja on Wednesday. He said: “This is my last lap and I will try to work even harder than I did. I assure you, I will not let you down, I will do my best and I will pray to God, my best will be good enough.” Oho so you know you let us down in the first lap abi? Anyway, do your best or not, Daura dey wait for you.
(Old) body no be firewood
A couple in their 70s, John Campbell and Dr. Annie Campbell, have made a porn movie titled Soul Sex to show the importance of sex between aging couples and to shed light on what’s most important, “centering on peace, verbal connection, and intimacy rather than reaching orgasm as quickly as possible”. The film director Erika Lust said, “They spent much more time touching, cuddling, holding, and gazing at each other than performers usually would. They were also very vocal throughout and showed strong communication skills to tell each other what they were enjoying. But most of all they just seemed to be having fun, they laughed a lot and were constantly smiling at each other. It was a very beautiful, fulfilling and emotional day for everyone involved.” Listen up, lazy Nigerian youths: Find and send Soul Sex to your parents! Sha don’t come looking for me with bruises.
INEC’s love-hate relationship with Corps members
According to the 2019 budget of the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), it spent N226.3m to administer oath of allegiance on members of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) and other ad hoc officials undertaking the general elections. Over one million ad hoc personnel, mainly drawn from the NYSC, were recruited for the elections. The document read in part, “Printing of 730,000 copies of oath of loyalty and neutrality forms at N10 each; administration of oaths on all election personnel and staff at N300 per personnel.” Oh. So una get this plenty money to spend yet some Corpers been sleep for outside ba? No further comment.
Still on the Obasanjo-Buhari matter
The Buhari Media Organisation has said former President Olusegun Obasanjo’s statement that he will continue to criticise President Muhammadu Buhari is a confirmation that his pre-election criticism was fuelled by ego. The BMO in a statement signed by its Chairman, Niyi Akinsiju, and Secretary, Cassidy Madueke, on Wednesday said it was worrisome that Obasanjo had always insinuated that all the past heads of state and Presidents he had criticised did not perform creditably in office. “Obasanjo’s comments at the public lecture in commemoration of his 82nd birthday can also be interpreted to mean that no President aside from former President Obasanjo did the right things in office. This shows that his criticism of President Buhari and former occupants of that position is largely ego-driven and is certainly not altruistic.” *Yawning* Today they are attacking, tomorrow they are congratulating one another, Y’all should keep quiet biko.
Going, going, gone
At least, 44,712 luggage were declared missing among 29 local and international airlines that operated in and into Nigeria’s airports in 2018, a report obtained from the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority (NCAA) has revealed. This is as Air France led the pack with 6,175 missing luggage on the international scene, while Air Peace led the other eight indigenous carriers on the local scene with 66 missing baggage within the period under review. The report, however, indicated that 41,498 of the missing luggage were later retrieved by their owners, while the other 3,214 luggage could not be recovered by the airport authorities. But why’s my mind telling me that our JAMB money is in the belly of one of those missing luggage? Okay, make I go take my medication.