I was at a social gathering some time ago and I happened to find myself in the company of some middle aged women (ages 50-55) all of them had gone to school together and had been friends from their youth and most of them were divorced. During their gist, a common friends’ name came up and someone said it had been a long time since she saw the friend and her husband. She was indeed shocked to learn that this friend and her husband had been separated some while back. She sighed and made a statement that stayed with me “ hmmm so ……and ……are no longer together. When it happened to me 15 years ago, I was told my marriage broke down because I didn’t know how to look after my husband and home . She and I are now divorcees, mine just happened earlier”
I had cause to be reminded of that incident some years ago. A family friend had lost a child. She was 22 years old , in the prime of her life. One of her relatives while commiserating with her insinuated rather sanctimoniously ( behind her back) that had she, (the mother) prayed enough for the child the child would still be alive and that her death was likely to be as a result of her lack of diligence as a mother and strong Christian as she claimed to be. Several years later, this family friend lost her own child at the age of 35 years and was inconsolable. She wondered aloud how in spite of her prayers and vigils , death had the temerity to take her child from her. When I heard of her loss, it struck me that she and her relatives had gone through the same experience albeit at different times.
I lost my sister when she was 19 years old and my mother was one of the first of her group of friends to bury a child. It’s been several years now and several of her friends have lost their children, some in more traumatic circumstances. Same loss at different times.
It is natural as humans to think that evil happens to people because they are not doing something we have done or are doing to prevent it . We think evil came their way because they have committed some sin, are not smart enough, not righteous enough, not going to a powerful church or ministry, not prayerful enough. We in turn think evil passes over us because of what we do and forget that but for the grace of God we are not consumed.
We love to look for chinks in peoples armor and whilst I agree that sometimes, our circumstances may be as a result of our actions and inactions, there are times we do all we know how to do and evil still comes our way.
The story of Job buttresses my point. Job and his friends had no inkling of what had transpired between God and Satan , they only saw the consequences and his friends were adamant in their belief that the things that happened to him were as a result of his sins. In their ignorance they were harsh in their remonstrations and blamed him for his experiences.
We are like Job friends, we blame people for their circumstances forgetting that
pain, grief, loss and sadness comes to us all. Life is a cycle and we will have pain/joy, sorrow / laughter in alternate cycles and at different stages of our lives some of us will experience the night earlier than others and that’s the way of life.
I hope you do not think of me as being pessimistic and that I am advocating that we live under a cloud of uncertainty hanging over our heads. Neither am I saying that the faith walk, prayers , confessions are not strong and effective shelters from the attack of evil.
What I am saying is that when things happen to others we should put ourselves in their shoes, let’s not judge them , let’s not think we are immune from what has happened to them. We are only assured of this present moment and we don’t know what will happen in the next hour.
When we recognize this truth, we will be more compassionate towards people and act towards them with grace and mercy. We would ensure that widows are not subjected to all the unwholesome practices we have today because one day it may be our turn, we would not be quick to blame that woman for the marriage that broke down because ours may dissolve someday in the future, we will not be quick to condemn someone whose child has gone wayward because we don’t know what our children will get up to.
Bad things happen and because it happens to someone else earlier than it happens to us doesn’t mean that they are bad, don’t know how to pray, are disfavored by God or are lazy. Let’s be aware that because something hasn’t happened to us now doesn’t mean it will not happen in the future, let’s be mindful of how we judge others because of their circumstances.
Let’s do unto others as we want them to do unto us.Photo credit