The month of March was quite interesting both on the national and international scene as it was a month defined by slaps given by eminent personalities at public events. I will not bore you with the details of both the Bianca Ojukwu/ Ebele Obiano and Will Smith/ Chris Rock altercations nor the history behind those slaps. The videos, apologies, justifications and commentaries abound on social media.
My attention is limited to what the slaps meant and why they invoked so much passion and talk amongst us. The dictionary meaning of a slap is to hit or strike with the palm of the hand or a flat object. My definition of a slap however, is that it is a physical assault on the body of another which may be necessary, justified and/or deserved but has moral and legal consequences. I am mindful that not all slaps can be defined strictly as an assault even when they they are administered on the person of another.
like when a mother slaps a baby’s fingers to stop him from touching fire or when a man lovingly slaps his wife’s behind as she walks by him or vice versa but most slaps are assaults even though they may be given to correct bad behavior as many will cite in the case of Ebele Obiano who went looking for trouble and Chris Rock who made fun of Jada’s alopecia.
For many of us, both slaps were well deserved and hailed because we believe that most times it takes a physical show of force to stop people from misbehaving. It’s the reason why we excuse people who when insulted fight back with their fists. I know the feeling of wanting to go physical especially when people misbehave as a slap or two is known to autocorrect people or return them to their factory settings as we are wont to say in these parts and I can confess that though I abhor violence, I am wont to rejoice albeit inwardly when people get their comeuppance but does anything apart from self defense justify physical assault?
Please don’t tell me Bianca Ojukwu or Will Smith was acting in self defense. Self defense to physical assault occurs when you are responding to a physical assault by someone else not when you are the first offender. In Bianca’s case a plea of self defense cannot hold water as she was the one who laid the first blow even though she had been abused and taunted. On the other hand if Chris Rock had slapped Will Smith back, his plea of self defense would have been successful at least legally but he didn’t and in so doing he has proven that self defense can take other forms apart from being physical.
We will all condemn a man who beats his wife because she uses her tongue on him even though his defense is that he has endured years of verbal abuse from her and a woman who slaps a man if he insults her verbally as women should be ladylike in behavior. Interestingly, in the two cases the givers and receivers of the slaps were of the same gender and it makes me wonder if we would be quick to applaud and approve of the slaps if they were given by people of different genders. What would have been our reaction if Bianca had been a man and if Will was a woman would we have justified their actions as some of us are doing or does a slap only have meaning if it is given and taken by the same gender.
The truth is that many of us can’t seem to handle situations without resorting to being physical and that’s why we hail people when they beat others and justify it with “they pushed them to the wall”, “ they were being victimized”. The comments on both incidents show that we support a resort to physical actions or reactions when handling issues and it’s the reason why as parents we slap and beat up our children even when they become adults, why we push and shove people when they annoy us and decry anyone who doesn’t go physical as being a coward.
Physical actions or reactions give vent to our anger and frustrations and they seem to solve our problems momentarily and give us some sense of satisfaction as our victims will either fall into line and tend to behave themselves in their future interactions with us but the feelings are temporary and they rarely solve the problem at hand or deal with the fear, pain and frustrations within us that makes us lash out with our fists. A lot of times what we term as peace and a lesson learnt is a subdued response looking for a means of presenting itself in the future with a view to having the upper hand.
I have a golden rule that guides me at all times when I am at odds with a person and it is that when , whatever matter that caused the dispute is to be adjudicated upon by a reasonable person, I must not be found wanting. This rule has helped me a lot as it causes me to handle issues appropriately. So I find myself thinking how best to react in a way that would give me the result I desire without hurting my person, dignity or reputation. I definitely do not fight physically because I know my limitations as a fighter and I am sure that in a physical fight I would be the underdog and will be thoroughly beaten but I have learnt to fight with my words and actions and plotting how to get even with someone can be very exciting and empowering as you can use people’s anger to manipulate them and let them destroy themselves without lifting a finger.
In a lot of instances, our bid to fight for our rights , our dignity and loved ones can lead to us doing things in “our defense” that will end up acting against us. As Ademola Adigun pointed out, if in the future, Jada Smith decides to file for divorce citing Will’s anger , the slap he delivered on Chris Rock’s cheek is fodder for her to justify her claim even though he may never have laid a hand on her.
Bianca and Will ‘s bad behavior in public have put a damper on whatever wins they had. The somber oath taking ceremony of a governor is certainly not a place to have fisticuffs and the hallowed chambers of the Academy is surely not the place to defend your wife’s honor by being physical; both behaviors are better suited to the market place or bull ring respectively where there are no rules as to honor or fair play.
As others have said both of them wasted an opportunity to rise above their situation and use it to their benefit. Bianca could have ignored Ebele who after shouting would have walked back to her seat sorely embarrassed and disappointed and slapped her with a civil suit for slander claiming millions of naira. Will could have used that opportunity to address the insensitivity of comedians and how their jokes about people’s disabilities and persons were out of order and should be condemned. He also could have petitioned the Academy to stop it from employing Rock in future as is the case of Kevin Hart.
Most often than not, our actions when we go physical end up working in favor of the guilty person because when we are angry, we tend to act outside the scope of justifiable behavior for the provocation. Whatever you may say about Chris Rock, he is the winner in the altercation with Will Smith. His reaction to Will Smith’s assault has worked in his favor depicting him as being professional, mature and level headed. His first show after the incident sold out tickets going for as high as $1330. The street of the Wilbur theatre where the show was held was lined with local and international press who were hoping that he would say something, anything about the incident with Will Smith , he walked into a standing ovation that lasted several minutes and to his honor he didn’t say a word about the incident though I suspect he will still milk the incident for all its worth. Yet , he was the guilty one who made fun of a disability but whose handling of a matter in which he should have been sorely castigated is making him look like the good guy.
The truth is that the ability to turn away from giving rein to our fists in hostile situations is not cowardly or shameful , on the other hand it shows maturity, a sense of dignity and a mastery of ones self and emotions and is certainly more dignifying than throwing caution to the wind and misbehaving in public. Finally, there are legal and moral consequences payable for assaulting others and the momentarily pleasure of dealing with a person may pale into significance when we are confronted with the punishment for our behavior.
So what’s in a slap? Anger, pain, frustrations, momentarily satisfaction, ridicule and far reaching consequences.