Have you ever felt like screaming “leave me alone?
I have—many times, especially as a young woman when my kids were still at home and I had obligations to my parents, siblings, husband, and children—felt an overwhelming pull from all directions. I can’t fully describe how it felt, but it was as if I stood at the center of all the people I loved, and who loved me, each of them holding a rope tied around my waist. And often, they pulled those ropes simultaneously—each needing to be loved, seen, helped, and supported in their different roles in life.
I never screamed aloud because doing so would have been sacrilegious, unheard of—a direct attack on my womanhood. Besides, I, too, had a deep need to be needed in their lives. But the more they pulled and the more I silently screamed, the more bitterness and resentment grew within me.
I was born into caregiving, like all the women before me and those who will come after. It was never truly a choice but an expectation—one ingrained in us from the moment we are old enough to understand responsibility. We are taught to be the nurturers, the emotional anchors, the ones who remember birthdays, check in on everyone, and hold the family together. We are expected to pour out love, patience, and care—often at the expense of ourselves. And yet, the world rarely stops to ask: Who takes care of the woman who takes care of everyone else? Who does she run to when she needs the help she so generously gives to others?
As a daughter, the woman is taught to look after her younger siblings, assist her mother in the kitchen, and cater to her father and brothers. In many homes, it is the girl child who clears the table while her male counterparts lounge on the couch. She is the one expected to help with household chores, cook meals, and later, as her parents age, the responsibility of ensuring they receive the best healthcare, emotional support, and dignity in their old age falls squarely on her shoulders. It is rarely asked if she can afford it—financially or emotionally. It is simply assumed that she will find a way.
As a sister, a woman is often the peacemaker, the confidante, and the problem solver. She is the one who smooths over conflicts, offers advice, and lends money when a sibling is in financial distress. If there is an ailing brother, she is the one at his bedside. If there is a family feud, she is the one urging reconciliation. Yet, while she extends herself in service of her siblings, how often is the same energy returned? Society teaches women that being a good sister means being present, available, and willing to sacrifice. But who teaches men that they must do the same for their sisters?
Marriage, in many cultures, is sold to women as a place of refuge and partnership, but too often, it becomes another place where she serves, where she gives and gives while being praised for her strength—strength that is often born out of exhaustion but only deepens the caregiving burden. The modern woman is expected to juggle work and home seamlessly. She is the chef, the nurse, the housekeeper, the therapist, the organizer, and the emotional backbone of the marriage. Even when both husband and wife have full-time jobs, it is the woman who often comes home to a second shift—cooking, cleaning, making sure the children are fed and their schoolwork is done. A husband can get sick, and his wife is expected to drop everything to take care of him. But if the wife falls ill, does the same courtesy apply? Many women find themselves still making dinner while running a fever, still attending to the needs of their family while running on empty.
Motherhood is perhaps the most demanding of all caregiving roles. A mother is everything to her children—protector, nurturer, teacher, and provider. She carries their burdens as if they were her own, worries over their futures, and constantly puts their needs before hers. Society praises a mother who sacrifices her career, her dreams, and even her well-being for the sake of her children.
But the reality is, this sacrifice comes at a cost. Many women put their careers on hold to raise children, only to find it difficult to re-enter the workforce later. Those who continue working often find themselves stretched thin, trying to meet the demands of both their jobs and their families. Sleep-deprived, emotionally drained, and constantly overwhelmed, many mothers suffer in silence, feeling guilty for wanting a break, for needing time to themselves and trying to find a balance in life. Even after her children are grown, a woman’s caregiving role does not end. She becomes a grandmother, often stepping in to help raise yet another generation. In many cultures, grandmothers are expected to babysit regularly, to be available at a moment’s notice, to provide wisdom, warmth, and sometimes even financial support. Retirement is supposed to be a time of rest, yet for many women, it simply becomes another phase of service. She is still nurturing, still giving, still putting others before herself. And because she has done it for so long, no one thinks to ask if she needs a break.
Caregiving takes a significant toll on the woman and it shows in many way:
- Emotional Burnout – Women are expected to be emotionally available at all times. To be the listening ear, the understanding wife, the patient mother, the supportive friend. But constantly giving emotional energy without replenishment leads to burnout, depression, and even resentment. Burnout is not just a mental or emotional issue—it is a physiological response to chronic stress. When a woman is overworked, emotionally depleted, and constantly stressed, her body starts to shut down.
Symptoms of burnout include:
• Extreme fatigue, even after resting
• Memory loss or brain fog
• Irritability and mood swings
• Loss of motivation, even for things she once loved
• Frequent headaches, body aches, and tension in the muscles
At its worst, burnout can lead to mental breakdowns and physical collapse, forcing the woman to stop everything—something she likely wouldn’t have done voluntarily.
- Physical Health – Stress manifests in the body. Many women suffer from chronic fatigue, high blood pressure, migraines, and other stress-related illnesses simply because they are always “on duty.” They rarely get the time to rest, to prioritize self-care, or even to visit the doctor regularly. Research has shown that chronic stress is a major trigger for autoimmune diseases, and women—especially those who are caregivers—are disproportionately affected and prone to autoimmune diseases than men because of stress which makes their immune systems naturally more active. Autoimmune Disease occurs when the body’s immune system, which is supposed to protect it, starts attacking its own healthy tissues. Some common autoimmune diseases linked to chronic stress and caregiving include:
• Rheumatoid arthritis – A painful condition where the immune system attacks the joints, causing inflammation and stiffness.
• Lupus – A disease where the immune system attacks multiple organs, leading to fatigue, joint pain, and other severe symptoms.
3. Financial Strain – Caregiving is expensive. Whether it’s funding a sibling’s education, paying for a parent’s medical bills, or sacrificing career advancement for the sake of family, women often bear the financial burden.
4. Missed Opportunities – While a man is often free to chase his ambitions with minimal guilt, a woman is made to feel selfish for prioritizing her career or personal growth over family obligations. In the workplace, caregiving responsibilities can limit promotions, as employers see women as less committed due to their family obligations. The time spent caring for others could have been used to build businesses, climb corporate ladders, or pursue personal passions.
Caregiving is an essential part of life and is deep emotional work. It requires patience, empathy, and an endless well of energy but it should not be a burden placed disproportionately on women. Caregiving is deeply emotional work. It requires patience, empathy, and an endless well of energy. Women have carried the caregiving burden for too long, often at the cost of their own health, happiness, and ambitions. While caring for others is a noble role, it should never come at the price of losing oneself.
It is time for society to unlearn the conditioning that caregiving is solely a woman’s role. Women must prioritize themselves. It is not selfish to set boundaries, to say no especially to obligations that drain you, to take time for self-care activities that replenish you, to ask for help to care for loved ones. If you are caring for aging parents, involve your siblings. If you are a mother, ensure your partner shares parenting responsibilities equally. If you are overwhelmed at work, delegate tasks and communicate your needs. Finally, surround yourself with people who pour into you as much as you pour into them.
Men must step up. Husbands, brothers, and sons must share in the responsibility of caregiving. A marriage is a partnership, not a servitude. Raising children should be a shared duty, not a woman’s default job.
Workplaces must adapt. Companies need to recognize that caregiving responsibilities impact professional advancement. Flexible work arrangements, paid parental leave, and supportive policies must be implemented so that women do not have to choose between family and career
Because at the end of the day, the question remains: Who takes care of the woman who takes care of everyone else? Who does she run to when everyone goes to her? Where does she go to fall apart?