Loneliness is such a sad affair crooned Luther Vandross in his song ‘Superstar’ and he was right.
Even God acknowledged the fact that it is not good for Man ( female and male) to be alone.
It is a terrible thing to be lonely, to wake up each morning to an empty bed, to look for someone to share your intimate moments with, someone to talk to, make fun of, to fight with, someone that understands your history, your words, eye signals and nuances.
It is obvious that there are things spiritual beings cannot and should not do for us and with us. God and angels can’t help zip and unzip that close fitted dress, caress my back, give me a rub down, kiss or cuddle and make love to me.
It is loneliness that has driven many of us women into the arms of people we have no business being with, people we share no values and common background with. In our bid to cure loneliness , we jump into relationships forgetting that even in a relationship it is possible to be and feel alone.
It’s the reason why some men will make passes at their late friend’s wife thinking that because the man has died the woman will be willing to share their beds and be content with crumbs off their tables.
I have heard stories of men turning up uninvited at their late friends’ houses on the assumption that his supposedly sex starved widow will welcome them with open arms. Uncle, the fact that you were friends with her late husband doesn’t make you her spec.
It’s the same thinking that makes some women think that their widowed and divorced friends become suddenly attracted to their pot bellied husbands and start to misbehave forgetting that some of us have quite high standards and know that not all meat is meant for eating.
So, who should the divorced and widowed marry??? Me I don’t know oooo but I always wonder why most widowed men especially the ones in their mid 40s or early 50’s who had sworn off having children will date and marry a young girl in her 20-30’s and start another generation of children with her. I don’t blame the young girls because they also want to have their own children and they can’t be nannies without having a stake in the pie.
It’s the men I pity, men who are nearing retirement and who should be dreaming of relaxing, having cruises and enjoying their lives, now saddle themselves with the burden of having infant children alongside their adult children, doing school runs, sleepovers and paying school fees till their late 60’s and 70’s all for the gratification of being able to attract and flaunt their young Trophy wives.
I wonder at why some women will have relationships with the most useless of men, take up their responsibilities and suffer all sort of indignities all because they think they have no choice because of their ages, looks and children.
So, to the future man coming please have all the children you want to have before coming ooooo I don’t want to have children to “celebrate our love”, be emotionally matured and financially stable as I don’t want to have to pick all the bills, be ready to enjoy life and travel around the world. You are not going to be doing me a favor by marrying me.
To the widowed, widower, divorcee etc what I am trying to say is that if we have the option of marrying again let’s do it for the right reasons.
Let’s marry people we are comfortable and enjoy being with, can have decent and meaningful conversations with and not just because we want to have sex, have someone pay our bills, keep our homes and look after our children and look good with in public.
Don’t marry because you are lonely!
Lastly, may I plead with some of our adult children to allow our parents another chance at love. It’s heart wrenching when children refuse to give their blessings when their parents want to remarry.
If the truth be told sometimes it’s not all about the dead parent but about our fears of the dilution of our inheritance and it is often founded on selfishness.
Our parents also need and deserve to be happy and if they genuinely love the person they want to enter a relationship with (barring manipulation and greed) let’s support them and give them our blessings.