My wife is a thief, let us say it as it is.
And this her stealing has caused me untold shame and embarrassment in the area we live.
First, she started by stealing from me. In all the 26 years we have been married, she has always stolen from me. I dare not leave my wallet or anything of value lying around the house, fiam, she has taken it. What sort of woman is this?
At the beginning, I was like, shebi she is my wife, can a wife truly be stealing from her husband? No now. She is my wife and whatever I have is her own. She will take money from my wallet, like if I have five thousand for instance, she will take four thousand, leaving me with only 1k. That one is bad now. At least, she could have taken like 2k and left me with 3k. At least with that one, you will tell yourself, she is my wife, she is enjoying from her husband, abi?
But no, she will take almost everything, take my wristwatch, take my chain, take my rings, because I like fancy rings, she will take them and even though I complained bitterly about these to her parents, iro, o! They could not do anything to stop her stealing habit.
She would even take my ATM and go and withdraw money. When I ask, she will say she isn’t the one. So who withdrew money from my account? Who has my PIN number?
The only reason I gave her my PIN number is so that, God forbid in the case of an emergency, someone will know how to get money to do whatever needs to be done. Isn’t that why we men give our wives our PINnumbers? Or is it that she will get it and start using it anyhow?
Then the one that is vexing me now is this her tif, tif is now in the open, she now doesn’t even know where to stop. She now steals from the neighbours, from friends, from family members.
Can you imagine the disgrace she is bringing to me and our children? We have four children, two in secondary school, two in primary school.
I can’t tell you three different times that people have called me to say my wife is their number one suspect for stealing money either in their shops or their houses or one place or another. Do you know how many people I have settled outside just so that they will not shout ‘Ole!’ on my wife?
In my inner mind, I know she is guilty of the stealing but I will just say, haba, how can you accuse my wife of stealing from you? Then they will provide the evidence then I will start begging them not to make noise about it that I will settle them in the corner.
This has been happening for long and now, I am just tired of having a thief for a wife. Let everybody go their way, let everybody go and bear their father’s name. I am tired of the marriage.
See, even today, she did not come to the court, as usual. She did not come to defend herself. Tell me, if someone accuses you of stealing, won’t you come out and attack the person to clear your name? Where is she today? Same thing two months ago, she did not come to court. Four months ago, same thing. I just hope the judge will separate us today, no matter what. I am tired of ole iyawo!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories.)