Score the internet and there are a thousand and one so-called experts trying to teach you about love and how to date with an equal number of listicles on how to go about it. But the actual dating is often miles apart from what you get on these sites. From my point of view, no two experiences are the same. Those who should know are constantly saying that loneliness has more than tripled in percentage since social media became a major facet of our lives in the recent time. You are probably wondering that in one breath I castigate the internet for its countless dating listicles and then turn around and profess what the loneliness experts are saying. You will agree with me that it is not the same. Whereas the listicle wielding netizens are often self-appointed, the loneliness experts, on the other hand, are thoroughbred psychologists who have years of research to back their postulations and know a whole lot about human behaviour past or present.
In any case, I was lonely after my thing with Ayo and if there was one thing I wanted to do more than anything else it was to move on. Sometimes when you hurry like that you are very likely going to crash into something.
So when I gave Raphael a chance, it didn’t remotely look like that was the journey I was embarking on. I wish then that I had the perspective I now have all thanks to hindsight. Somewhat like looking over the whole situation like someone removed, someone looking at a picture in a frame. And to say the truth, I don’t think that I would have done it any differently if I had to do it all over again.
I fell deeply in love with Raphael, surprising even myself. Perhaps it was me throwing caution to the wind because I had been burned badly and felt that I had nothing to lose. Perhaps it was something else, I doubt if I will ever know. What is certain is that it has been many years but I am still not yet myself.
Raphael and I were seeing each other regularly, spending time at each other’s place and before long I had introduced him to my boss. My boss is as strict as they come, has motherly love for me and is suspicious about everything and everyone. But she met Raphael and liked him immediately even if she felt I was moving too fast after my heartbreak.
“A broken heart needs time to heal,” she’d warned.
“I know, right. But this feeling that I am feeling makes me want to just go with my heart even if all the pieces are yet to come together. This may just be the trick to turn back time,” I had retorted, believing every word.
She, like everyone I introduced Raphael to gave me the reassuring feedback that it is difficult not to like him. Everyone liked his easy humour, his intelligence and charm. Everyone was also me. But I particularly liked the way he smelled, the way his presence got my yoni twitching and wet. No one has ever had that effect on me. But most of all, I fell in love with the way he loved me and how he showed me by making love to me tantric-like every single time. No one comes close before or after Raphael. How he would hold my gaze moments before we would hit the sack, the action, which in itself was an expression of his love, and how he would undress me one article of clothing after the other leaving my pants for last. Licking me all over until my whole being wailed for him to take me; running endless rings of pleasure from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. And how he would then painstakingly take off his own clothes and lovingly bring me to a full orgasm each and every time. Men are not made like Raphael anymore.
For this, I let down my guard.
Add to that the fact that he dresses very well, speaks equally well and is the most polite man you can find in any crowd, and you have got a poor girl like me hooked on him for good. I have also told you already how he is the most patient man I have ever come across.
“I think you are beginning to think straight. I think you are all right, you have done good,” my boss said one day out of the blues. This was a rare compliment from the Headmistress as most of my colleagues called her behind her back. She had also been charmed by Raphael. Anyone who could charm her was really good.
From that point, I threw myself completely into the relationship and decided to stop receiving calls from any other man. I did not want to take any risk; Raphael was very smart and I knew that if I messed up in any way, he would soon find out. I was also becoming concerned that people may have been laughing at me. Look at me, I am a beautiful girl. I have all the things that a woman could look for. Also, I come from a loving family, have a kind boss and a good job. But why was I not yet married? I have had a string of relationships and they all headed nowhere. So, people must have been laughing at me and wondering if I had not been cursed. I must have wanted to prove such people wrong even if I was not brought up to care what people were thinking it is difficult to keep a straight face in the kind of society that we live in, where you can easily become a butt of peoples’ jokes. They could laugh all they want but Raphael was my chance to show them that I had finally landed a man that would take me to the altar. That was another mistake. I let him see my hand. But of course, I claim no expertise; I am just relaying my experience.
Raphael may never have broached the topic but are all good relationships not supposed to end in marriage? We were sleeping together, doing all the things married people do but he never specifically mentioned marriage.
After sometime I started to worry. Time is after all the most precious commodity a woman has at her disposal. I believe I was wasting my time, wasting my youth and if things continued this way, I felt I may well end up an old maid.
I decided that I was going to ask Raphael about our future. I wanted to be true to myself and stop the self-deception. There was no way we could continue down the same path without taking a pause and deciding what we wanted out of this.
So I waited for him one day in my office and told him that I wanted to discuss something serious and importnt. He sat down and I opened up.
“Raphael, I want to talk about this relationship,” I said without drama.
“Okay,” he said.
“Why are we not planning marriage? Why haven’t you proposed to me? Why are we not moving forward?” I just couldn’t hold myself and his response brought me to a crushing halt hurting my heart even more.
Continues next week