I just watched snippets of the IMO Podcast featuring Michelle Obama and her brother, Craig Robinson, where Tracee Ellis Ross was interviewed about relationships, dating, and parenting. Her perspective on dating struck a nerve with me.
She spoke candidly about the grief she sometimes feels over not having a partner, even though she leads a fulfilling life, is self-aware, and is surrounded by good friends. She was clear that while she does want a partner, she refuses to settle for just anyone. Anyone who enters her life must make it better—not worse.
Tracee also made a significant point about men in her age group (50s) and how many of them were raised steeped in toxic masculinity. She highlighted how societal expectations have long dictated what relationships should look like and the rigid roles each gender is supposed to play. Interestingly, she noted that younger men seem to be more open to the fluidity of roles in relationships—less encumbered by outdated norms.
For too long, society has told women that we must “make it work,” no matter what. We’ve been conditioned to believe that the ultimate goal is to find a partner, keep that partner, and make the relationship last at all costs. But that narrative is shifting. Today, more and more women are saying, “Enough is enough.” We are walking away from relationships that leave us emotionally drained, unappreciated, or worse—abused. We’re no longer willing to settle for partners who don’t meet our standards or who perpetuate harmful gender dynamics. Instead, we’re choosing peace, joy, and mutual respect over endurance and sacrifice.
I can say with confidence—and I know this is true for many women, especially those who are older, have been married once, and are now divorced, separated or widowed—that marriage is no longer viewed as a prize to be dangled before a woman. Many would rather be alone than be in a marriage that doesn’t serve them.
Even younger women are waking up to this reality: staying in unfulfilling or toxic relationships is no longer an option. And yes, financial empowerment has played a big role in this awakening. The increasing number of women filing for divorce is evidence of this broader awareness and shift. But it’s about more than just ending bad relationships. It’s about reclaiming power. It’s about recognizing one’s worth and demanding the love, respect, and partnership that one truly deserves.
It’s also about realizing that it’s far better to be alone than to be with someone who drains you—someone who doesn’t encourage your growth or align with your values.
Toxic masculinity thrives in power imbalances. It makes you feel like you’re always wrong, or that your worth is tied to how much you can endure. And it doesn’t always show up in the ways we expect. It’s not just loud, angry, or overtly aggressive behavior. Sometimes it’s subtle—manipulation, emotional unavailability, or the constant need for control. It can be the partner who belittles your feelings, dismisses your needs, or pressures you to be something you’re not.
We’ve been taught to accept or ignore these behaviours. But it’s crucial to understand: they are not normal, and they are not okay.
Signs of toxic masculinity include:
- Emotional unavailability: If he shuts you down every time you try to have an emotional conversation or seems distant when you need him to show up.
- Control and manipulation: Does he try to control your actions, your decisions, or your relationships with others? Does he gaslight you—make you question your own reality or feelings?.
- Disrespect: Does he belittle you, ignore your boundaries, or dismiss your feelings? Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned—and one that I wish I could’ve told my younger self—is the importance of knowing your own worth. When you truly understand your value, you stop accepting anything less than what you deserve. You stop tolerating emotional neglect, manipulation, and toxic behavior. You realize that you are worthy of love that nurtures, uplifts, and respects you, not one that breaks you down over time.
Here’s some advice for women in relationships that aren’t serving them: Know that you are worthy of more. If you’re constantly giving and giving without receiving the love, respect, and appreciation that you deserve, it’s time to stop and reassess. You don’t need to convince someone to treat you well. You don’t need to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of being in a relationship. You are worthy of someone who values you, respects you, and is willing to meet you halfway.
Walking away from toxic relationships isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. It’s an acknowledgment that you refuse to settle for less than what aligns with your highest potential. It’s about making space for the right kind of love, and when you let go of what no longer serves you, you create room for something more beautiful to enter your life or even enjoy life on your terms..
My message to men especially those of my age group is that times are changing, your women will not and cannot be like your mothers. The responsibility of building healthy relationships isn’t just on women. Men also have a role to play in ensuring that relationships are nurturing, respectful, and built on mutual love. Toxic masculinity thrives in environments where men are taught that being vulnerable is a weakness or that their emotional needs should be ignored. If you’re in a relationship, here’s how you can do better:
- Be emotionally available: Women need partners who are willing to show up, emotionally and mentally. Don’t hide behind your pride or avoidance when your partner needs you to be present. Being emotionally open and vulnerable strengthens the bond between you and your partner.
- Respect her boundaries: Respecting your partner’s emotional, mental, and physical boundaries is crucial. A woman should never feel pressured into doing something she doesn’t want to do—whether that’s in terms of intimacy, decisions, or lifestyle choices. Consent and mutual respect go hand in hand.
- Communicate openly: Good communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship. Listen to her needs, express your own, and find common ground. Avoid shutting down difficult conversations or resorting to anger or silence when things get tough.
- Support her growth: A healthy relationship should help both partners grow. Encourage her to pursue her dreams, support her in her personal and professional endeavors, and never make her feel guilty for achieving success. A strong man lifts his woman up, not keeps her down.
Men, you can help create an environment where your partner feels safe, valued, and heard. Don’t wait for her to walk away before you step up.
To all the women out there: Trust yourself. Trust your worth. Remember, your unwillingness to settle for just anyone, doesn’t mean you are proud or egocentric or that you’re giving up on love—it means you value a love that’s real, genuine, and meant for you, that you seek a partner who aligns with your values, who will honor you and build with you, not tear you down.