A few weeks ago, social media was set ablaze by a mother’s heartfelt post. She said her son had gone missing after she dropped him off at Babcock University. She called out the school and some students, and the urgency in her tone was gripping as she cried in desperation. People reposted far and wide. Prayers were said. Comments poured in, and everyone hoped for the best. Many were sympathetic and blamed the university; others vouched for the institution and asked for patience, knowing it would carry out its investigations. Yet some called for a national conversation on student safety.
Out of the blue, the mother posted again that her missing son had been found—without going into details as to how and where he was located. Everyone heaved a sigh of relief at the news, though many wondered what really happened. Then, some days ago, Babcock University released a statement sharing their side of the story, and it was a bombshell of revelations.
Alas, her son wasn’t kidnapped, nor was he missing in the conventional sense. He had left the school grounds on his own and was found a good distance from the campus. It emerged that he had a betting addiction and had sold his phone to pay his debts. His mother was aware of his activities, as she had pleaded with his roommates—who had reported his strange behavior—not to report him to the school authorities.
Rather than cooperate with the school, the mother again took to social media, absolving herself and her son of blame and indicting the university in a manner that has turned public opinion against her.
In it all, one glaring truth stands out to me: modern parenting has become a performance of concern, where parents play to the gallery—another example being Tuface Idibia’s mother, who took to social media to announce that her son was missing while he was gallivanting around town with a new lover—rather than a practice of accountability.
Let me be honest: parenting today is not for the fainthearted. I always thank my stars that my children were in their twenties when Instagram, TikTok, and “soft life” aspirations took over the social media space. Though the pressures of parenting change with different generations , the core responsibility of parenting remains the same- to guide, to discipline, to observe, and to be deeply involved with our offsprings and it is becoming glaring obvious that too many of us have forgotten what it means to be a parent.
We want to be our children’s friend and there is time in the future for that. We want our children to like us and it is possible to be firm, disciplined and yet approachable. We would rather avoid difficult conversations, until it becomes impossible to deny or ignore the obvious. We outsource everything — their education to the schools, their morals to religious leaders, their mental health to therapists, and their discipline to social media. Then when things go wrong, we ask “What happened?” as if we were not part of the equation.
Today’s children are not just growing up, they are being shaped by the algorithms that feed them. Their heroes are influencers with questionable values. Their sense of identity is built on likes, retweets, and followers and their understanding of right and wrong is increasingly blurred by the constant flood of content that tells them “do you,” “protect your peace,” and “cut off anyone who disagrees with you.”
But who gave them unrestricted access to this world? Who put smartphones and data in their hands at 10 or 12? Who told them they were too “tender” to do chores or make corrections without crying? Who protected them from failure, pain, or consequence?
We did.
We, the well-meaning, overly-lenient, emotionally-exhausted parents of this generation, did and are still doing.
Now, let’s be clear. I believe in compassion. I believe in listening to our children and befriending them when they are all grown up. I believe in not repeating the trauma-inducing, fear-driven parenting many of us experienced. But there is a difference between gentle parenting and passive parenting and many of us are firmly planted in the latter.
We say, “My child is just expressive,” when they are actually rude.
We say, “They’re just exploring,” when they are being irresponsible.
We say, “They’re anxious,” when they’re just avoiding accountability.
I’ve seen parents defending their children’s bad behavior in schools, in churches, even in police stations. One had the guts to tell another parent she embarrassed her daughter because she told her to greet her as she stood talking to a teacher. I’ve seen WhatsApp group fights where adults are insulted for correcting a child. I’ve seen parents attack teachers for “stressing” their children with academic expectations. It’s as if we are no longer raising children to function in society and it’s always someone else’s fault, never us nor our children.
Back to the Babcock story. When the university released their side of the story , some said “The school should account for the safety of every child and I don’t buy that idea. A university should create a safe space security wise but has no business ensuring that every student is daily accounted for, as they do in private universities today. A university is a place for matured minds and what if, just what if, the child simply didn’t want to stay in school? What if he couldn’t cope in school, I hear he is only 15 years old. It’s easier to blame the school. It’s easier to shout about societal decay. It’s easier to say, “This generation is spoiled,” while forgetting who did the spoiling.
We have normalized outsourcing our roles and weaponizing social media when consequences come knocking. But parenting is not a job that ends once you pay school fees and attend visiting days. It is a daily, deliberate investment in shaping character and the honest brutal truth is that many of today’s parents are physically present but emotionally absent. We buy them things, but do we ask them questions? We send them to the best schools, but do we know their friends? We post their pictures online, but do we truly know who they are becoming? We say “my child can never,” without really knowing what our children are doing behind closed doors and even when we do, we stay in denial blaming every single person except ourselves and the child.
And yet, every society’s future rests in the hands of the children it raises. We cannot abdicate that responsibility and expect a better tomorrow. We cannot raise children who are entitled, over indulged, undisciplined, and disconnected from consequences, and then expect them to turn into responsible adults overnight.
Parenting in today’s world requires more, not less. It requires discernment to know when to speak and when to stay silent. It requires courage to set boundaries. It requires consistency not the loud kind, but the quiet, firm, daily presence that says: “I’m here. I see you. I love you enough to correct you.”
Let’s teach our children that respect is not outdated. That rules are not oppression. That freedom is not a license. That character still matters. That social media is not real life. That actions have consequences whether or not a camera is rolling. Most importantly, let’s show them that being a parent is not about performing for the world. It’s about doing the hidden, hard work of raising another human being.
I acknowledge that at one point or the other in our parenting journey, we will struggle, we will not get things right, our children will make costly mistakes that will overwhelm and embarrass us but the truth is that in many ways our children are not just reflections of society, they are reflections of us and our values, So before we blame the world, let’s ask:
What foundation did I lay?
What signs did I ignore?
What values am I reinforcing?
If we can be brave enough to introspect and answer honestly, then maybe, just maybe, we can still raise a generation we will be proud of.