I was by the bedside of a friend as she journeyed to eternity and as I watched the struggle between life and death—death gaining the upper hand—it hit me again: That life is personal. We come to life alone, grow and die alone, albeit with the support, assistance, help and love of others—first, our parents; then siblings, friends, spouses, and children.
However, no matter how much people love and support us, they cannot live our lives for us nor take our place in death. Our journey, joys, and sorrows are ours and ours alone to bear. It also struck me that life is very ephemeral. It ends just as we are getting used to it and oftentimes before we have the chance to live it fully. I find it very fascinating that we wake up each morning, brush our teeth, take a shower, step into our clothes, and step out into the world, doing the same thing every day—days blurring into weeks, and weeks into years, going through the motions of life—and suddenly,in one moment, it all ends. Life as we know it stops, and everything pales into insignificance.
I am in my mid-50s and every day I find myself asking the question “Tara, you are alive, but are you truly living?” Sometimes, I answer truthfully that I am not and yet some days I can honestly say “Yes, I am living.” Living, not just existing—and the truth is that so many of us are surviving, but not thriving. We’re present in body, but not in spirit. We’re functioning, but not fulfilled. We’re existing, but not really alive; we are contributing to others and projects but cannot take time to enjoy ourselves. We have cocooned ourselves in what we think is safe and “godly,” which is determined by whatever religious beliefs we have, and we think it sinful to indulge in simple pleasures because they don’t add much to our religious outlook or propagate our beliefs. I understand that we have responsibilities, duties and burdens that make it almost impossible to see beyond the next hour, nor is the economy friendly enough to enable us to consider the higher echelons of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. But at some point, especially as we grow older, we must confront this truth and ask ourselves—what does it mean to truly live?
To be truly alive is not just about your heart beating or lungs expanding. It’s about purpose. It’s about waking up and feeling like your presence on this earth matters. It’s about knowing that you’re not just here to take up space, consume resources, pay bills, and die. To live is to be intentional. It means pausing to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, laughing till your stomach hurts, learning something new, taking risks, making mistakes, loving deeply, and sometimes, even hurting badly because even pain reminds us that we are human and that we are alive.
Living is choosing joy over routine. It’s dancing in your living room to old-school highlife or gospel music just because your soul demands movement. It’s having conversations that matter, giving hugs that linger, and pouring your heart into something that may never make you famous, but makes you whole. It’s living in the moment, enjoying the second and reveling in the simple pleasures of life- rain on the roof, a flower in full bloom, a beautiful work of art that you admire but may not be able to purchase, tasting and enjoying the different and distinct flavors in your meal.
We limit ourselves far too often. “I’m too old for that,” “I’ve never done that before,” “That’s not for people like me.” These are lies we tell ourselves because we are afraid, afraid to look foolish, afraid to fail, afraid to start over but if we want to live, truly live, then we must stretch beyond our comfort zone. We must try something new like joining a dance class, learning a new language, traveling to a new place, volunteering for a cause we care about, starting that business we’ve been dreaming of, changing careers, taking that course and beginning again.
There is no rule that says your best years are behind you.
Living also means impacting others because we cannot live life in a vacuum. You see, we weren’t created to walk this life in isolation. Each of us carries something, an energy, a word, a gift, a presence that someone else needs. That is why our lives must ripple beyond our bodies and we don’t have to be rich or powerful to make an impact because Impact is in the little things. It is in how we treat those who are economically and financially lower than us, the words of encouragement we give to someone like the total stranger who made my day by saying she just loved the way I looked after she saw me walking to my car one sunny day lost in my thoughts, it’s how we lift someone who’s about to give up on their dream, or how we show up consistently for our loved ones, even on the days we feel like collapsing.
Impacting others means sharing what you have with them irrespective of who they are, whether they can reciprocate, or whether we would be rewarded or not. If you have light in you, then shine. If you have love in you, then give. If you have wisdom, share it because to truly live is to make others glad that you exist.
Living means leaving a legacy and when I say legacy I’m not thinking of money or titles or property. Legacy, to me, is how you made people feel. It’s the lives you touched. It’s the values you embodied. It’s the lessons you leave behind for your children, your community, and even strangers. A well-lived life is a generous life, not measured by how many things you own, but how much of yourself you gave. Were you kind? Were you courageous? Did you speak the truth, even when it was uncomfortable? Did you love well and forgive quickly? Did you raise your voice when it mattered and stayed silent when it was wise?
At the end of our days, what people will remember most about us is not what we said, but how we lived. Did your life teach others how to live? Did your example show that joy is still possible? That dreams don’t have an expiry date? That faith still works?
You may say, I am middle-aged, or maybe even past that and it is true that your body is not as agile as it used to be, but you are still alive. This is not the time to disappear into the background or become invisible. Resist the urge to shrink yourself, to mind your business to the point of irrelevance, to become emotionally numb or spiritually dry, Rather, it is the time to rediscover yourself. What do you want? What makes you laugh? What would make you feel alive again? Enjoy life now. Wear the clothes you love- (have you seen the current dress like your daughter’s challenge? Did you see how youthful, radiant and beautiful the mothers looked just by changing what they wore?) Go on that girls’ trip. Say yes to new friendships. Let go of guilt and shame. Speak your mind. Pray more. Cry if you need to. Laugh louder than society expects. Reconnect with your body. Reignite your faith. Take yourself out on dates. Celebrate your wins—big and small. Some people didn’t make it this far, so you must honour your life by living it. Fully, Passionately and without apology.
Let us live so that our graves are not full of unfinished stories, unsaid apologies, unexpressed love, and unused talents. Let us live so fully that when our time is done, the world will say, “She was here—and she mattered.” My friend is dead and has been laid to rest but she lived, oh how she lived. She lived in the kind and gentle manner she served our sisterhood, in the way she brought up her beautiful children, by the sacrifices she made and the seeds of love she planted in the hearts of others. Her life makes me more determined to engage with life and not just react to it. To choose purpose over passivity, love over resentment, joy over mere survival.
And you my reader,
Please don’t wait for a crisis to wake you up. Don’t wait for retirement to start living. Don’t wait for the kids to leave or the man or woman to come or leave or the money to arrive. This is your life. Right now. This moment. Do yourself a favour and ask yourself – am I truly living? Hopefully it will be a Yes.