When I read Proverb 17:12 “let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly” I had no idea that it would one day be the biblical justification for the ongoing debate on social media about men being worse than bears.
For those who are not aware, a hypothetical question was posed to several women if they’d rather be alone in the woods with an unknown man or a bear and the majority of them choose the bear for some very sobering and heartbreaking reasons.
The top reasons why some women say they would rather choose the bear according to a Facebook posts are
- The bear will either kill me or leave me alone, there are not 400 other horrible ways a bear can hurt me.
- No one would question me about what I was wearing if the bear attacked me.
- If I survive the bear attack, I will not have to see the bear at family reunions.
- A bear would not film it and send it to his friends.
- No one will question if the bear attack really happened.
- The worst a bear can do is to kill me.
- I already know a bear is by nature savage, I can’t tell on sight what a man is capable of doing or not doing.
I was heartbroken going through the candid responses of many women to this question but is this just a propaganda against men or do women really have a basis to feel this way?. According to the North American Bear Center, black bears – the most common bear in the United States – kill less than one person per year. The America National Park service states that bear attacks are incredibly rare, and most are done out of a bear’s interest in “protecting food, cubs, or their space,”. In comparison, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, better known as RAINN, 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. RAINN also says on average, there are nearly 450,000 victims of rape and sexual assault every year in the United States. Even in Nigeria, the statistics show that many women are victims of rape, sexual abuse and assault by men and that women indeed have a right to be wary of the likelihood of violence perpetrated by men whether or not they are known or strangers to them.
Understandably and maybe even deniably, many men are aghast at the reactions of women to this seemingly innocent and straightforward question. Why would women choose an animal known to be ferocious in its attack over men. Is this part of the feminist agenda, are men really that bad or are women just exaggerating, do women know how dangerous bears are and is it even justifiable to compare men to savage animals? I say deniably because surely a lot of men know that many of them can’t be trusted when it comes to assaults on women. We’ve heard of men who gang raped a woman who was friends with one of them luring her innocently to the trap laid for her, we know of men that find it easy to lay their hands on women and we also know that a lot of men keep quiet and by their silence embolden men who perpetrate violence against women.
If many men are upset with being compared with a bear (and I find it a bit extreme but maybe it was done for the shock effect) it is because they don’t know what it feels like to be a woman in today’s world and if women say this is what it feels like, they should be listened to and not shut down. The argument reminds me of the tussle between the black and white Americans – the Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter. We all know that all lives matter but the reason most blacks are infuriated when the All Lives Matter activists talk back at them is because their experiences are invalidated and excused.
The appropriate approach when the blacks talk about the zero value being placed upon their lives, which men should follow in this recent controversy, is that of listening, validating experiences and asking what should be done to change the status quo instead of immediately becoming defensive. A man cannot understand what it feels like to live in a woman’s skin just like a white American cannot understand racism or stereotypes or even how the system is skewered in his favor until he lives in a black man skin and the feeble excuse that I have black friends, don’t know people who mistreat black people doesn’t excuse the behavior of the majority, same as the excuse that most men are not violent.
Of course, most men are not violent, but the minority that are, have taught women by history, example and the experiences of others that they are easy prey, that men whether familiar or strangers are not to be trusted and that they should be watchful and careful lest they are taken advantage of. In fact, I am of the opinion that most women chose the bear based on the fact that they felt that they had a better chance with a bear than a man because it is unlikely that a bear would intentionally hurt them. The truth is that if the same question were asked to the men, most men would rather choose to face the bear rather than the woman for the very same reasons given. Only a minority would choose a woman rather than a bear because she is thought to be less dangerous and because they would most probably be able to overpower her in a fight.
The responses of both genders to this question shows that there is a lot of disconnect and mistrust amongst us, both genders do not really have an inkling as to what goes on in each other’s world. A man doesn’t necessarily have an idea of what a woman faces in the hands of men and can’t understand how it seems to shape her perception of other men and the world in general. They don’t know that sometimes we wear some clothing items to dispel men or to even protect ourselves should we be attacked ( I can say for free that a man doesn’t think of protective clothing when going out except when he is going into dangerous territory). That when we are in the midst of men we unconsciously would have an escape plan in case the environment becomes dangerous for us. That walking in the dark is to be feared not only because our belongings may be stolen but we may be sexually abused.
A woman also doesn’t know the secret fears of men or how often he feels inadequate and emasculated, especially in today’s world.
I have known some very good men and I have known bad ones, too and it’s the same for every gender. Some people are more dangerous than the others but we are getting to the state where things are getting quite extreme and confusing and it need not be so. We should be able to qualify our statements about each other and not vilify one another. We need to walk in each other’s shoes and listen, really listen to each other, share our experiences and acknowledge that they are and will be different. Whatever the case, we are not cosying up to bears at night are we? We don’t marry bears or have them in our environment. Gosh we wouldn’t even take chances with them if push comes to shove and the fact that one bear mauled and killed someone doesn’t make us hate them all.
Personally, I am getting tired of all the gender hate and I just wish we could all sheath our swords and handle issues objectively, one case at a time rather than conclude that we are all evil, have a hidden agenda and can’t be trusted in a walk in the woods.
By the way, proverbs 17:12 has a deeper meaning than it’s been given in all of this.
