Can old boobs rise again? That was the question we were discussing that night in Lekki.
Wait a minute, I’m not talking about the Modupe Ozolua type of boobs or the silicon filled Dr. 90210 types.
I’m talking of the pair of slippers some women have to carry after 40; can they ever transform back into some interesting looking mangoes?
Let’s face it, we all care about our looks. Why do you think our generation keeps saying 40 is the new 20, 50 is the new 30, 55 and fit… (fit for what?) plus all those crazy hypes we fill our FB walls, profiles and DPs with, haba, even 20 year olds want to look 15!
I’m amused when some snooty kid calls an older person “old” like it’s a disease.
I always say to them: “Two things will happen here kid; some day that ‘old’ will come on you, there’s no avoiding that or two, you could just die young.”
Age will come upon us all and I am addressing the sistas here, but whether you look your age or not, thing is, your body knows what age you are, there’s no deceiving it and when we age, it’s not just the boobs that fall, your face falls, your smile droops, your shoulders hang lose, your cheeks sag, some of us walk with a stoop, your body simply starts refusing to cooperate.
Once you clock 40; you suddenly have laughter lines, you sprout grey hairs in unsightly spots from your chin to your ears, varicose veins surface in areas you can’t conceal from the public, plus those annoying bags beneath your eyes and the thickening waistline! Grrrrr!!!
Anyway, so this aging business and the need to keep our body parts in top shape was the reason I followed my friends Efua, Yemisi and Remi to the re-launch of a Spa in Lekki, I won’t name the Spa, because I’m not advertising for them, but those of you Spa-holics will know it, it’s off Admiralty Way, the one with Thai girls giggling all over, uh huh, you gorrit!
So we four female adult fun seekers, as I’ve chosen to describe us, were taken on a guided tour of the new facility by this young and excited Thai girl named Vina, (I hope I spelt it well).
Vina has hazel eyes that can melt anyone, women included because I found myself staring at her sexy red lips, I must say, I briefly considered being gay for a while.
Well, Vina told us of the exciting services they render at the spa and we ooh-ed and aaah-ed even as I was busy checking the price tags and wondering if all that money was worth spending on frivolities. One of us, Remi was regaling us with a story of how she was invited to a tea party, only to discover her hostess wanted to sell sex toys.
“For this Lagos?” I asked, more from getting her to reveal more details than the fact that I disbelieved her.
“Siddon dia!”
Our Thai rep at this time had about finished off with her facility tour and not one of us showed any interest at signing up for any of the services on offer.
“We also have something that will make your vagina tighter.” Vina said holding her fist in a ball.
We all perked up at that info and stopped our chattering. She finally had our attention.
“Yes, we do,” she said, nodding vigorously.
“How does that work?” Our eyes were round with excitement as we urged Vina to tell us more.
She showed us some polished wooden bowls of various sizes and demonstrated how the vagina would be washed with herbals, “ …this and this will flush all the…slimy things…and vagina be very clean and tight.”
Each time, Vina said ‘tighten’, she would hold her fist up in a ball.
Oh yeah? We high fived one another, giggling like school girls reading Playboy magazine in the dark and eagerly began to ask for the price list.
Then one of us asked, “You mean, after my six big headed vaginal births, I can still be tight there…?”
Vina nodded hard.
“Can you do these ones, too,” one of my friends asked, pointing to her boobs.
“Yes.” Vina nodded again.
“Those ones are still standing nah, why do you need firming?” I asked my friend but rather than answer, she looked down at her twins wistfully.
“Not surgery, I hope,” Efua asked.
“No, no,” Vina assured us through her nose. “It’s atupuncture”
Huh?
Oh, acupuncture!
Ha! I have a low threshold for pain, count me out, then again, maybe I should just let these my sleeping babies lie!