As someone who has experienced and observed the dynamics of marriage and one who is not really interested in being married again because of the responsibilities and obligations it places on the parties, I am beginning to question what marriage is all about.
I am a huge believer in equality and fairness and that both men and women have responsibilities and rights within the framework of marriage.
I believe that men and women are equal in the sight of God and that both genders should find fulfillment in their union. I believe that marriage is an equal partnership and that its goal is to create a relationship where both individuals feel valued, supported, and empowered to pursue their dreams.
I believe that marriage should be about lifting each other up, not weighing one person down for the other to rise.I believe in both parties bringing their 100% to the table, although I also recognize that at times it may be difficult or even impossible to do so.
I believe in our money, our dreams, our vision and our life.
I am however not oblivious to the fact that my beliefs are not the reality of many (myself inclusive) and that societal norms, religion and personal expectations and perspectives often skew the advantages and burdens in one direction, in favor of one partner to the detriment of the other.
The question of who benefits more from marriage has sparked many debates, and the answers vary depending on whom you ask and the lens through which they view marriage. In my opinion, men tend to gain more from marriage, though women also experience unique benefits.
The main advantages for men are as follows-
• Stability: There is no gain saying that as soon as a man marries he achieves some form of stability and order in his life. In many cases, the man becomes more focused both professionally and financially and more responsible. Men rely heavily on their wives for stability and a sense of order and women often serve as confidants, stress relievers, and emotional anchors in ways men may not always reciprocate.
- Health and Longevity:Studies consistently show that married men live longer and are generally healthier. This is largely because women, as nurturers and groomers, often encourage their husbands to adopt healthier lifestyles, eat better, and seek medical care when needed.
• Career and Status Boost: A married man is often perceived as more responsible and stable, which can lead to career advantages. I know at least two men who got married at the time they did, because they needed to be married to be promoted to the next level in their careers. Women, consciously or not, often contribute significantly to the men’s success by managing the home front, freeing their husbands to focus on work and personal growth.
Marriage enhances a woman’s standing in society, the fact that the marriage may be a sham notwithstanding. She is respected by other men, envied by women and used as a positive example. Women undoubtedly gain from marriage, but these benefits often come with conditions:
- Companionship and Emotional Fulfillment: Marriage can provide a sense of security and belonging, which many women value deeply. However, this benefit depends on having a supportive, emotionally mature partner—a condition not always met.
- Parenting Support: Raising children with a partner offers shared responsibilities, although the bulk of the emotional and physical labor still tends to fall on women.
- Financial Security: For many women, especially in traditional settings, marriage offers economic stability. However, this benefit is often tied to significant personal sacrifices, such as giving up career ambitions or financial independence.
Marriage is often likened to a partnership but the reality is often different. Women frequently shoulder a disproportionate share of responsibilities, from managing the household, to raising children, to providing emotional labor. Even in modern, dual-income households, women still tend to do more unquantifiable unpaid work at home.
Men often enjoy the rewards of marriage with fewer sacrifices. They gain a stable home, emotional support, and someone to share the burden of parenting, all while being able to prioritize their careers and personal goals.
As a woman, I find myself reflecting on these dynamics and asking: why we accept and eulogize a system where one party often sacrifices more than the other? Why we see the disadvantages and have even suffered from the effects of a skewered relationship and still want to perpetuate it? Why we use the cloak of religion or culture to cover selfishness, hard heartedness and lack of care and consideration in partners? Why men are allowed to do things that a woman will be crucified for? and why marriage is viewed as ownership especially by men ?
The dynamics of marriage are evolving and the truth is that whilst many men are chafing against this evolution and are using every available weapon to try to stop the evolution, the younger generation of females are aspiring for more equitable relationships where both partners share responsibilities and support each other’s goals and they are not prepared to accept the status quo.
True partnership should mean that both people thrive—not that one flourishes at the expense of the other. It is my desire that we strive for partnerships where no one has to ask, “Who benefits more?” but instead, “How can we both benefit together?” and yes it is possible to benefit together if we let go of our prejudices, selfishness and the desire for control.
