I really don’t like change even when it is for my good and will make me happy. On second thoughts, I think that it’s the process of getting to that state of change that I desire that I dread the most. I hate the pressure, the uncertainty, the fear that things may not turn out just as I want it, the lack of control, the learning of new things and the unlearning of the old, the upheaval to my routine that change brings.
I have however come to accept that the one constant thing in life is change. Cycles come and go and at every given time we are in the state of starting, being in or ending a season in our lives -from childhood to adulthood, change of jobs, change of residence, from parents to empty nesters, middle aged to old age. The change might be something we’ve hoped and prayed for like a promotion, a new house, relocating abroad, the birth of a child and it may be something we dread- sickness, death of a loved one, old age, financial distress etc whatever nature the change takes it brings some discomfort and anxiety and takes a toll on us.
Change is defined as a process which has predictable patterns and takes place outside of us whilst transition is defined as the emotions or feelings we experience during change. Since change is inevitable we must know how to handle it and I will set out some things to do to prepare ourselves for the changes that are sure to come into our lives whether or not we want them.
- Educate yourself. They say what you don’t know will kill you and it’s true. I have found educating myself about my new circumstances is one of the best things I can do for myself to make my changed circumstances easier. When Mr Aisi was diagnosed with cancer, I made sure to read all I could lay my hands upon about the cancer, the orthodox and holistic treatments available, the things to expect, what were danger signs and what was normal in his state. Not only did it reassure me but it gave me a level of control as I knew what was likely to happen and plan against it.
- Acknowledge that one phase has ended. I have had to acknowledge several times in my life that a phase in my life has come to an end and that acknowledgement has been very instrumental in helping me adjust to the new phase. There is no point in hanging on to our yesterdays, dreaming of those good old days that have gone. Yesterday cannot be brought back at least not always in the ways we hanker after them.
- Honor the period of transition- give your self time to adjust to the new status you’ve found yourself in whilst honoring the memories of what was left behind. We tend to want to insist that things continue the way they were or that we expect them to be but we must acknowledge that change takes time getting used to and we should practice self compassion on ourselves as we go through changes.
- Hope. We must have hope that things will turn out not as bad as we have been told or better than we have imagined. Whatever we do, we must keep a picture of a better tomorrow in our consciousness and also manage the way we talk about and see the change.
- Seek and give support in the new place you have found yourself. Isolation is always a bad thing. The statement that there is nothing new under the sun is so true, there is no temptation that is not common to man. Whatever we are going through, we can be assured that someone else has gone through or is going through it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help or giving help when it is needed. Since Mr Aisi’s death I have sought for and been hooked up with widows who have gone through or are going through the same experiences as myself and in so many ways we have helped each other navigate the rough waters and I can truly say that my experiences are not unique to me.
- Explore the new possibilities- what may have been a tragedy can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Many things we have classified as bad have actually been good for us so using the lessons we have curated from the past, let’s look forward to applying them in our new seasons.
- Expect to feel uncomfortable – change even if good, brings some level of discomfort to our former schedules and it is imperative that we should expect that things will not go smoothly at first and cut ourselves some slack.
- Embrace change- Please note that embracing change doesn’t mean you must like it but that you find ways to cope, live and thrive in it. I know someone whose marriage ended despite everything she did to make it work. For some reasons her spouse just wasn’t interested in the marriage anymore and nothing seemed to make him change his mind. The spouse has long moved on but the lady is caught in the same place, she is not going forward, has refused to let anyone know she is separated from her husband and has refused to see the positives in her situation.
There is nothing that invokes pity more than a person who refuses to let go of a season that has long ended. We can enjoy every single season of change in our lives if only we look at the positives and not the negatives. Remember, change is constant and soon what was once new and exciting will become normal, boring and old and what was sad and depressing will become bearable.
Let change, change you.