I have heard too many stories of men dying on top of women in the past and I honestly do not want to join the statistics.
I was introduced to my husband more than 10 years ago by an aunty and we have been married for some 10 years now. He is my second husband; the first left me and my daughter years back. I was working at the Local Government Council trying to make ends meet and keep my child in school when my aunty – who had been disturbing me to find a husband, as if you can just go outside and pick a man and marry – introduced him to me.
She said I was too young to remain single for the rest of my life, that a man needed to touch my assets and take care of me and my child. I said, assets that will shrink with age, who cares?
But I told her, โOho, go and bring the man, I will marry him.โ
Anyway, my aunty was the one who introduced my current husband to me.
He was 58 when I met him and I was 42yearsโฆyeah, the gap is plenty but when we met, he told me he didnโt want to have more children; he too was once married but his wife had died. He has two adult children who at that time were already working and looking to settle down in life with their own families.
So I understood why he didnโt want to have children; even me, I was content with the one child I had, I wanted the best for her and he looked like the type of person who could help me. Thatโs how we began to โseeโ each other and he went to do โsmall somethingโ on my head as per his wanting to marry me. So I moved into his house even though he hasnโt completed the necessary bride price and all 10 years after.
We lived as husband and wife all these years and things were good between us; my daughter is done with secondary school, going to uni, in fact and this man helped me a lot. Which is why, I spared nothing with him. He liked sex too much and even though many times it wasnโt convenient, I stillโฆyou know, gave it to him.
I give him whenever and wherever he wanted; after all, we are married, right?
So what is the problem?
But now, the man is sick; he has been diagnosed with a diabetic condition that has seen us changing his diet to no meat or fish at allโฆhe can only eat certain kinds of food. No yam, no bread, no milk, no sugar, no alcoholโฆand this took a strain on him; Baba lost weight like mad!
If you see my husband now, ordinary breeze can blow him! The medicine also makes him very tired.
However, he likes pounded yam, not poundo, o. Pounded yam as in mortar and pestle! And even though doctor had warned me not to give him pounded yam; my husband often demands it and then afterwards, he will demand for sex!
I said to him, โWhat doctor said is that you mustnโt do anything strenuous or you will just die! Do you want to die?โ
He said he would not die, that I should stop cursing him. But my sister, is that a curse?
A man who shouldnโt be eating pounded yam eats it and immediately wants to climb a woman, no be die be dat!
Me I said, no o.
When he finishes eating and enters bedroom, he would be calling for me, โTina! Tina, come here and see somethingโฆโ
See what?
I would just ignore him and many times. He would come and meet me either in the parlor or kitchen and be complaining that I am mistreating him. That he is a man who provideds for me and I am treating him badlyโฆ
Shuo, mistreat in what way?
I am trying to prolong his life but he is busy complaining of not being given โfood,โ please help me explain to him, o.
Two days ago, he went to report me to my aunty, again!
He said I was now wayward; that I was no longer a good wife and repeated that I wanted to leave him after he had helped me train my daughter to university level!
That is very unkind of him.
All of these years before he became sick, a sickness I had no hand in, o, every time my husband wanted me in the bedroom, I was thereโฆhe is older but hasnโt much strength for this thing these days soโฆbut I was always available. Now, person that hasnโt much strength because of the sickness worrying him, now wants to pound another yamโฆ
If anything happens to him, they will say, โHe died on top of her.โ
I reject it!
I will call his children and tell them their father is playing with fire; before they begin to call me names, I will tell them, see your fatherโs conditionโฆsee the drugs he has to useโฆsee the food he mustnโt eat and see what he is eatingโฆnow come and see what he wants to be doing every nightโฆif anything happens to him, nobody should call my name!
That is what I will do tomorrow, unfailingly.