I have heard too many stories of men dying on top of women in the past and I honestly do not want to join the statistics.
I was introduced to my husband more than 10 years ago by an aunty and we have been married for some 10 years now. He is my second husband; the first left me and my daughter years back. I was working at the Local Government Council trying to make ends meet and keep my child in school when my aunty – who had been disturbing me to find a husband, as if you can just go outside and pick a man and marry – introduced him to me.
She said I was too young to remain single for the rest of my life, that a man needed to touch my assets and take care of me and my child. I said, assets that will shrink with age, who cares?
But I told her, “Oho, go and bring the man, I will marry him.”
Anyway, my aunty was the one who introduced my current husband to me.
He was 58 when I met him and I was 42years…yeah, the gap is plenty but when we met, he told me he didn’t want to have more children; he too was once married but his wife had died. He has two adult children who at that time were already working and looking to settle down in life with their own families.
So I understood why he didn’t want to have children; even me, I was content with the one child I had, I wanted the best for her and he looked like the type of person who could help me. That’s how we began to “see” each other and he went to do “small something” on my head as per his wanting to marry me. So I moved into his house even though he hasn’t completed the necessary bride price and all 10 years after.
We lived as husband and wife all these years and things were good between us; my daughter is done with secondary school, going to uni, in fact and this man helped me a lot. Which is why, I spared nothing with him. He liked sex too much and even though many times it wasn’t convenient, I still…you know, gave it to him.
I give him whenever and wherever he wanted; after all, we are married, right?
So what is the problem?
But now, the man is sick; he has been diagnosed with a diabetic condition that has seen us changing his diet to no meat or fish at all…he can only eat certain kinds of food. No yam, no bread, no milk, no sugar, no alcohol…and this took a strain on him; Baba lost weight like mad!
If you see my husband now, ordinary breeze can blow him! The medicine also makes him very tired.
However, he likes pounded yam, not poundo, o. Pounded yam as in mortar and pestle! And even though doctor had warned me not to give him pounded yam; my husband often demands it and then afterwards, he will demand for sex!
I said to him, “What doctor said is that you mustn’t do anything strenuous or you will just die! Do you want to die?”
He said he would not die, that I should stop cursing him. But my sister, is that a curse?
A man who shouldn’t be eating pounded yam eats it and immediately wants to climb a woman, no be die be dat!
Me I said, no o.
When he finishes eating and enters bedroom, he would be calling for me, “Tina! Tina, come here and see something…”
I would just ignore him and many times. He would come and meet me either in the parlor or kitchen and be complaining that I am mistreating him. That he is a man who provideds for me and I am treating him badly…
Shuo, mistreat in what way?
I am trying to prolong his life but he is busy complaining of not being given “food,” please help me explain to him, o.
Two days ago, he went to report me to my aunty, again!
He said I was now wayward; that I was no longer a good wife and repeated that I wanted to leave him after he had helped me train my daughter to university level!
That is very unkind of him.
All of these years before he became sick, a sickness I had no hand in, o, every time my husband wanted me in the bedroom, I was there…he is older but hasn’t much strength for this thing these days so…but I was always available. Now, person that hasn’t much strength because of the sickness worrying him, now wants to pound another yam…
If anything happens to him, they will say, “He died on top of her.”
I reject it!
I will call his children and tell them their father is playing with fire; before they begin to call me names, I will tell them, see your father’s condition…see the drugs he has to use…see the food he mustn’t eat and see what he is eating…now come and see what he wants to be doing every night…if anything happens to him, nobody should call my name!
That is what I will do tomorrow, unfailingly.