I met him online; one of those forums you use with a Facebook account.
He must have checked out my details on Facebook, perhaps also googled my name, maybe but he knew a lot about me and I was flattered really.
He is European, elderly, though he claims to be just 59, you know oyibo people don’t age well, their skin isn’t like ours that still glows and remains wrinkle free even when we get to our seventies. He looks older to me than he says but hey, its online, who is truthful online? And I didn’t really care, even if he is 70!
Anyway, I welcomed his comments, telling myself he is just a lonely pensioner someone in Scandinavia who wants company. We kind of shared the same things- outdoor life. He enjoys fishing. I don’t fish but I love to eat fish…you get the connection? He can fish, I can eat…ehen.
We both enjoy, house cleaning…that is my everyday job na, with three boys, under 15 years, abi?
We both love cooking…being adventurous with food. He enjoys watching the food channel, so do I. My boys eat like three platoons and I have to be creative with their food, too…so you see the connection?
Ok, We have read about the same motivational books, et al; we’d even read similar books and follow some of these motivational speakers online, too. We were really connected!
Besides, connected or not, what is there it to lose? I would never go to see him, he would never ever come to Nigeria.
One more thing, when I told him I was Nigerian, I expected him to scurry off like many who come on that platform have done. Once I introduce myself as a Nigerian, they just stop talking to me. Because to them we Nigerians are all 419ers!
Na dem sabi jare!
So, we were chatting regularly; from chatting as friends, he began to ask me personal questions, my love life, my work…I told him the truth except the fact that I was married!
I mean I told him I had three sons, I worked at a firm, I basically told him the truth except about my marital status which incidentally isn’t listed in any of my social media handles. He also told me about himself and I checked him out too on the different platforms he was registered…he appeared to be no serial killer…and ore, even if he was, where would he find me to kill me?
I still maintain, I was just flirting…nothing serious. I swear! Just harmless flirting.
So, sometimes I’d pretend to be some sex vixen which he found very thrilling and would encourage me to show him my nudes. I never have, I never will but you know, we talk about sex a lot! He has sent me several of his, which I make sure I delete instantly! I guess he began to see me as his. As for me, I show him body parts, no breasts, no down there, I promise you, I don’t trust these cloud thing that stores videos and images…
Why did I let him continue sending his photos? There was no harm done! As in, I knew, hey, we could never meet!
I didn’t think this flirting was wrong. I have no intention of leaving my husband and kids and I have no intention of going to Norway even if my amour sent tickets and money for flight. I also had no intention of collecting money from him. I needed to prove that not all Nigerians defraud foreigners, which is something we often chatted about.
So you get me? I was basically catching fun in my spare time by being naughty…harmless…that’s all!
I am married; I have three lovely boys that I would die for, my husband too is a good man, we have our moments but who doesn’t in any relationship? I wasn’t looking to cheat on him, I was just being distracted and enjoying the distraction, that’s what it was for me!
So on and off, this man in Norway would send chats, would call, would check in on me, my boys…only when my husband travelled out of town or was at work…all of these was last year.
During the lockdown, despite the fact that my husband was home, I still found time to do phone sex with this guy…see, like I said, I was just catching fun, like these young people say these days. I was saying things to him that if my husband heard them, he would just faint because I have never spoken dirty like that to him…so that was when I began to think…maybe this is cheating o!
But like I said, this was play, play for me.
So after like a year or so…
Where did I go for phone sex during lockdown?
I would usually go into the bathroom, my car or when I am alone in the house…my husband never fully obeyed lockdown, o…he would sneak out in the evenings, he said it was driving him crazy staying indoor all day.
Ok, so back to my amour, again, for me, it was pure fun.
I didn’t know my ‘oyibo lover’ took it seriously.
I know he is divorced and has one child whom he says is in the university. He lives alone and often goes out with friends…typical oyibo boring life. I asked him about girlfriends but he said due to Covid- 19, he hasn’t been able to mingle properly but meeting me online has given him hope. So you see? I had no intention of actually meeting this guy physically, even if he sent money, I won’t even collect, I won’t even release my account details because my husband has access to all my accounts. So…I mean, I was just catching fun, not feelings, o!
What is my dilemma now?
So Covid- 19 is over, my amour wants to come to Nigeria to see me! he knows where I work…even if he doesn’t know where my house is, work nko? will I stop working because of him?
Unfortunately for me, I had told him so many things about me, my work, my details, you know…my photos, at home, my boys at school…he knows many things. Like I said the only thing I lied about was my husband, I told him I was a single mother!
So, he has booked a hotel on the island, sent me the details…and wants to know when I would be free from work so he could come for a two-week holiday!
Huh! For where? This small play I was playing with you, you now want to be serious?
I began to discourage him; I said ha, no, I didn’t want to meet him, o. I would be out of the country… he said, where? That he would meet me there!
Huh? You and who?
I gave all kinds of excuses and now, he’s stalking me online, though I have blocked him on all my social media handles, blocked him on LinkedIn, blocked all the blockables…he has my email, and has been sending sad emojis.
I feel bad for him, especially when my husband with his big head is here laying down stupid laws and telling me yadayadaydaaa, like he is the king, in my heart, I go, see, henh, if I enter plane for you, henh, you go seeyasef!
But sha, I feel really bad for misleading this guy, I do but mehn, who e wan put for wahala…biko go find your wife elsewhere, is love by force?
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)