Strategies for Asking Nicely, Setting Repayment Plans, and Knowing When to “Just Leave Am for God”
Three things can test a Nigerian friendship: politics, football teams, and borrowing money. You think you know your guy, but wait until you lend him ₦100,000 and he disappears like a dropped call on a bad phone network. Or worse, you’re the one who borrowed the money and suddenly feels awkward dropping messages in the group chat. In Nigeria, money isn’t just currency, it’s emotional, cultural, and spiritual. So when it enters a friendship, anything can happen.
But what if you really need to borrow money, and your closest option is your friend? How do you go about it without damaging the relationship forever? Stick with me, let me teach you how to borrow money from a Nigerian (friend, colleague, or family) without losing the friendship. I promise it will be worth your while, and if my strategies don’t work, it must be that the person you’ve asked is either broke or stingy.
The first thing you need to understand is that Nigerians no dey take their money play o. Never make the mistake of thinking that it’s just ₦10,000, so why is my guy para-ing? Borrowing money from a Nigerian is not just a business transaction; it’s a deeply personal arrangement.
Many Nigerians lend people money, not because they have excess funds or they can do without their money. Lending money is tied to empathy. Many people will often lend someone money because they feel the other person may need it more urgently, and they are willing to make that sacrifice. Aside from this, there’s also a lot of moral and religious pressure to “help your brother” or “not be the reason someone goes hungry.”
Imagine someone lending you money they’d saved up for a project, say their house rent or their kids’ school fees. You don’t pay back, or you act dodgy when they ask about repayment. It hits differently. You’re not just owing cash; you’re owing trust. That’s why for some people, even an unreturned ₦10,000 can end a 10-year friendship faster than village gossip.
So, how do you get someone to lend you money? The first step is to ask. This is where many people already fail. If you ask with entitlement, manipulation, or guilt-tripping, you’ve set the stage for resentment or possibly instant rejection or delayed promises. How do you ask without coming across as entitled?
- Pick the right time: Be sensitive, don’t ask for money just after your friend has tweeted “This adulting thing is hard” or they’ve just posted their vacation pictures showing them living the life. Timing matters.
- Be clear and direct: Go straight to the point and say exactly how much you need. Avoid vague requests like “Can you help me with something small?” especially when “something small” turns out to be ₦500,000.
- Be clear about why you need it, but don’t overshare: “My rent is due and I need ₦200,000 to make it up. Could you help?” That’s much better than saying: “You know my cousin’s landlord’s dog had an accident and now NEPA wants to disconnect my neighbour’s light…”
- Give them a way out: This is very important. Don’t pressure, say something like: “If you can’t, I totally understand. I just thought to ask.”
- Respect their answer. Whether it’s a yes, no, or “let me think about it,” don’t take it personally. They’re not wicked — they may simply not be able to help and not want to get your hopes up unnecessarily.
- How you send it matters: Go soft and send your request via message (WhatsApp/text) rather than in person. It gives them time to think and a softer exit if they want to say no. Every time you insist on having a face-to-face conversation, you give them an opportunity to probably decline, so requesting via message gives them time to reflect on your request.
You’ve asked, and they’ve agreed to help, what’s next? It is now up to you to provide a repayment date or plan (if they don’t insist on receiving it back by a certain time). Nobody likes leaving things open-ended: it causes unnecessary wahala. Be clear about how you intend to repay because from now onwards, your character and ability to maintain trust could be at risk of being questioned.
- Say exactly when you intend to pay back: Don’t say “soon” or “after this hustle clicks.” For example: “I’ll send ₦200,000 back by the 15th, and the rest by month-end.”
- Suggest payment by instalments: Break it into bits if you can’t repay it all at once. “I can do 100k every month for five months.”
- Document it: Write it down so there is a record of your informal agreement. You don’t need a lawyer; a simple WhatsApp message with the terms will suffice, and it will help both of you remember.
- Send reminders and updates: If you’re running late, don’t go silent; it smacks of disrespect. You can say: “I haven’t forgotten you. Salary’s delayed, but I’ll send 100k as soon as I am paid.”
- Add a little extra: If you can, top up the loan with a little something or share an effusive thank you message. Most people often lend people money without interest, so this is one good way of appreciating the gesture.
One key thing is to ensure that you respect the relationship throughout this process: not everyone is a billionaire like Dangote. Not all friends have spare cash, some are just trying to survive. Learn to read the signs. If they say, “I go see wetin I fit do,” don’t chase them the next day. What they mean is: “I may not be able to help, but I’m trying not to sound inconsiderate.”
Whatever you do, try never to make it their duty to remind you about your debt. Avoid calling their partner or siblings to “beg on your behalf” if they haven’t responded: that’s pressure, not strategy. Not all friends will give you money, and that’s okay. Respect boundaries. Also, try not to borrow too often from the same person: keep your character in check.
So you’ve got the loan, but for some reason, life happened: you lost your job, the hustle flopped, or inflation beat your plan to pieces, and you’re unable to repay. Here’s what you can do:
- Say something: Ghosting is betrayal. It says, “You’re not important.” Don’t assume that they will understand, why should they?
- Apologise sincerely: Admit you failed to meet your word.
- Offer partial payments: Even ₦5,000 is better than nothing.
Again, life happens, but how we handle a bad loan experience is a reflection of our character. A friend who forgives a debt won’t forget how you handled it.
Sometimes, the person who lent you money will see that you’re struggling to repay and may let the debt go. “No worry, just leave am.” If that happens, be grateful but don’t take it as a license to repeat the cycle with someone else. Instead show appreciation, don’t borrow from them again, support them when you can, financially or otherwise, and don’t brag online while owing. Many debtors have been caught displaying evidence of living the life while ghosting their lenders. The internet is watching. Do consider that some debts you repay with loyalty, not cash.
If you remember anything at all, remember this. Borrow with sense, repay with integrity, provide regular updates, and own up if you are facing issues with repayment. Borrowing money doesn’t have to destroy relationships. Nigerians are some of the kindest people in the world, at least until you mess with our trust. Don’t borrow without the intention to pay back, that is just downright evil.
Friendship should be more valuable than money, but how you handle that ₦50,000 might decide if the friendship survives. Many tight friendships have dissolved over small amounts of money. It’s never the money, it’s the broken trust. Don’t be a bad debtor; do unto others as you would have them do to you. This is the way I see things today.Photo credit