No, you can’t ask me if I feel guilty over what has happened.
I can’t be guilty of anything because in the first place, I didn’t put a knife to his neck, my fiance committed suicide and I am not responsible for that decision. I cannot be held responsible, even his parents dare not hold me responsible!
You are now asking me what happened?
That is the question you should have asked before whether feel guilty.
They say it is not good to speak ill of the dead, so even though I am quite angry with my fiance right now, I will mostly stick to the good part and leave out the bad as much as possible.
I met him five years ago at the freedom party of another friend of mine. I was helping my friends to serve food and drinks to guests. He came to complain to me that his table was not being served. That’s how we got talking. I made sure all the guests at his table were served and he came to thank me later.
After the party, we exchanged phone numbers and began to keep in touch. We were later to meet again at another friend’s child’s naming ceremony.
We began to ‘see’ each other after that. Immediately we agreed that we would get married. He was working at one of the factories of a company that makes fridges and air conditioners because he was a trained technician. I worked as a sales person and I do a lot of buying and selling on the side; I am also a good tailor, I have my own machine and can sew very well because I trained as a tailor but the money I was earning at one time was just not enough to keep body and soul, so I went to find a good paying job and now I am a supervisor where I work. It’s all because I am determined not to remain in one position.
This is exactly the reason my fiancé and myself quarreled; we dated for four years and in that four years, he moved from one company to another saying their pay was not good enough; I wanted him to acquire more skills so that he would be more marketable but we always quarreled about that.
The other thing we always quarreled about also was his high libido. I know some women think this is a sign that your man loves you, to me, it was just too much.
He wanted to have sex several times in a day; every time I visitedit was sex sex sex. Meanwhile all I wanted was just rest. I work long hours, I do so many extra things on the side and when I visit him, I want to just to relax a bit once I finish cooking before going back to my house but it’s always trouble, it must be sex, throughout the visit.
Then he got fired at his place of work! You see, I had been telling him to get a certificate in other areas, like in AC repairs, in engine repairs, so that if they are laying off workers, they won’t consider him because he has more than one skill but he never listened to me.
After he lost his job, he just refused to fight for himself; I would give him money, buy food, cook for him and of course, the sex increased. Here I was already complaining before he lost his job that I was getting tired of too much sex, with his job loss, it became even more.
I began to resent the fact that all my fiancé did was eat and have sex, he could go on like this all day. I began to resent that. More so as it affected my own output, I couldn’t concentrate on my business, I couldn’t do much of buying and selling or getting tailoring jobs on the side because I was always exhausted. You see if I couldn’t get the extra money, there was no way I would I be able to help him, either with food or with anything.
This caused a lot of quarrels between us and I tried to get a few people to talk to him on my behalf but he was adamant. I had to call off our relationship when I saw he wasn’t going to change.
He began to beg me, he told me he couldn’t live without me;I didn’t believe him because all I saw was someone who wanted free food and constant sex!
I was in my house when I saw a text message from him, telling me he would kill himself if I dont come back to him. I told him, I wasn’t coming back because I hadn’t seen anything to make know that he had changed.
I didn’t take his threats seriously but i decided to call him to try and talk some sense in him. He didn’t pick my calls and so I called his sister to go check on him because he wasn’t responding to my calls.
Hummn, I got a call telling me to hurry to one hospital, that my fiance drank sniper and the doctors were trying to save his life…
That’s how he died o! And I repeat, it was not my fault!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)
