Before I married my wife, I had looked forward to our wedding night like most guys do.
Eeerm, we didn’t have premarital sex because, you know my wife, my girlfriend then, said she wanted to wait…so we just kissed and hugged and…throughout our four years of courtship no sex.
Did I not want it?
Why wouldn’t I? But I guess, when the woman wants to wait, I’ll wait with her. That was it!
Anyway, I noticed as the days drew near to our wedding day, that she was just behaving somehow. You know, we could be talking about something, like what names we would give our kids or what we would do during the honeymoon, which we planned to enjoy at Obudu Cattle Ranch for two weeks and she would just flip. You know, one moment agreeing and laughing, the next moment she would be in tears…
Mai haka yarin ya?
What is the problem?
She would cry for sometime and afterwards say, “it’s nerves.”
I asked my sister who was already married and she said, she may be feeling choked with everything happening fast. I said nothing is happening fast. We had both been working for two years before we met, we agreed on when we would get married, we got the flat together, we got the items in the house together…where is the nerves abi choking coming from?
Well, I soon began to avoid certain issues with her, o. If it upset her, I would just seal up.
On our wedding day, my wife was just like a doll with a frozen smile on her face.
I will show you our wedding photos, when they say “smile,” she would clench her teeth and act like that one is a smile…
What is wrong with this woman or am I marrying an ogbanje? I thought women were meant be happiest on their wedding day?
Let me zoom to wedding night.
After the party, when everybody had taken their kaya and gone home, we were to spend the first night in my father’s house…because of course you know that’s where the bride would be brought to, so we had arranged we would sleep there, the following day, we would go to our place, drop off our presents, pass the night at a hotel, then head to Obudu the following morning
That night after my parents had prayed for us, all the blah, blah, blah, I closed the room to dive in with my new madam o.
At first, I thought she would have removed her clothes. She had changed from the wedding gown to traditional wear before being brought to my father’s house. I found her sitting on the bed, still dressed, although she had removed her gele and shoes.
Yarinya, what is going on?
She said she was tired, her eyes were hurting, her back was on fire, her head was…
In my mind I just thought, “Huh huh, not now, not today, I have waited long enough.” But outwardly, I said, “Oh, sorry, let me bring you Panadol, let me help you remove your clothes so you can relax…babe no gree o. She said no, that she didn’t want to remove her clothes!
“So how we wan do am?”
I too was tired, you know finally all these preparation, hall, décor, rings, groomsmen, wedding gown…everything was finally done and over, to be honest, I was looking forward to a wild night, who wouldn’t na?
Ok, I began to remove my clothes, I wanted to shower and at least relax….when I was done, I climbed into bed…as a good husband to help my wife relax…this being her first time. I had removed her clothes o, and as I began to caress her … she went into a fit! She was just screaming, “Leave me alone, leave me alone!”
Who is holding who? And as she was saying it, her eyes were shut tight and she was shaking her head madly…
Omo, I panicked so much I ran out naked!
What is the matter? You have never seen a naked man before? At 25 years? Or is there a spirit in the room with us?
I had to think like that because it just didn’t make sense that she could have such a violent reaction towards me like that!
This thing wasn’t funny then.
My family came to my rescue o.
They heard the screams and me with my hand covering my crotch standing outside the door:
“I don’t know”
“Why is your wife screaming?”
“Please help me ask her.”
“Ok, wife, why are you screaming at your husband? Did he beat you?”
After a while, they calmed her down, my mother, bless her sweet soul, she went into the room to talk to my wife…ase, the girl was afraid of the thing.
She just clamped up. Long story short, even after my mother went to bed, my wife said she didn’t feel ok being in the room with me. She was shaking so much, I said, “Omo, you know what, I’ll sleep outside.”
I started my “for worse” before the “for better.”
Well, we didn’t make love until like 8 months after our wedding, o. It turns out my wife had been traumatised by an uncle when she was young. Once we found out hers was a mental and medical condition. we began therapy and counselling for months….But we are going good, we are going good. Its 16 years of marriage now. We are doing fine in that area too, no more screaming, well the only screams you’ll hear are those of pleasure… not pain.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)