Everyone has a theory for what makes a relationship work but for me, it all comes down to how we are socialised. Upbringing counts for a lot in a relationship. We all grew up in this society where parents say so little or nothing whatsoever about sex to their children. These children grow up knowing nothing or better still are left to fend for themselves in this all important venture of sex. I mean, I have dated guys who didn’t know where to put it and most of what I know about sex I had to learn all by myself even if my case was different because I have parents who did not consider the topic of sex taboo.
I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating that part of my life was, at a point in my life I started to think that I was doomed to have half-baked lovers who were not interested in sex or who I had to teach from scratch how to pleasure me. You see, I had learnt early in life what I really wanted out of sex and didn’t see why I should continue to wait. But the long line of clueless lovers that kept coming my way told a different story. It has indeed become like an epidemic as we have young men who are not in touch with their sexuality and we wonder why they can’t give what they don’t have.
So, wait and pray I did.
My prayer was answered when in my final year I met Valentine. Actually, Val, as I have come to refer to him affectionately, had always been in my circles from day one at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN) where we were both studying fine art but we said little to each other until that fateful day in final year when we worked on a project together with some of our classmates. It was not even a project related to our studies. A lecturer was retiring and we were coopted to work in the committee that was to organise his sendoff. It turned out that Val took charge naturally because he knew something about everything and it was not a big deal for him. I found out in my interaction with him that he was just like me the only difference being that he is a man.
One thing quickly led to another and I learnt two lessons in quick succession. The first was that Val was the kind of guy who shagged you just because. The other was that he would toy with your emotions without bathing an eyelid but deep inside there was a keeper if you could find him. And what great eyes he had. I swear they were the first thing that took me in about him, his eyes were so blue it was unreal. Up close they reminded me of a swimming pool I never wanted to get out of.
My breasts had always been the one asset that I really loved about my body and I loved that he loved them. So there was always a tingling deep inside my body whenever I caught him eyeing the twins on my chest. And this was often after we had caught each other’s eye. So it was not a surprise when that first time we were naked together he called them beautiful and took, first, one nipple and then the other in between his lips, his tongue flicking back and forth over them even as his free hand undid my clothes and left me standing in my birthday suit.
“You are so beautiful, Regina,” he said to me that first time in his room back at university.
Letting him undress me was a new experience for me, I had often had to do the honours with my past lovers but even this was an art with Val. Then I watched as slow motion-like he dropped on his knees and did things to me with his tongue like no other man ever has. Then he picked me up ever so delicately, lay me on the bed, parted my legs and flicked his tongue over my petals for what seemed like an eternity of pleasure.
I found myself speaking a language even I could not understand. Magic was happening to me. I jacked my pubis into his face. I couldn’t help myself. He held me steady while his wand continued to do the thing only he knew how to do and my whole being soon began to shake. I neither wanted it to stop or to continue. I pulled his head up and kissed him, then turning around, I went down on all fours and bid him do more. It was as if we had done this dance from the beginning of time itself.
And so for a whole month we weaved this same magic every day, saying little to each other and doing little else.
But lovely as it was, we had to go live life, serve the country, find work. We kept in touch though, visiting when we could and it has been five years and the magic has refused to wear off. Parting ways has never been on the table. But I can’t begin to tell you how lucky I count myself considering what I said about how we are conditioned in our society. There is also the countless weddings we have attended where you could tell that the couples were just going through the motions, getting married for the sake of it.
There is this one Val and I attended recently in Lekki, for instance. The couple, both from a celebrity-page-big-name family, did not look a tad bit happy. And although it was their big day and it was carnival-like spread over the weekend with superstar musicians performing on several stages, anyone could see that there was no music in the life of the couple.
“Promise me we will never be that couple at the wedding today,” Val told me after we had made passionate love for the third time that night.
“I promise,” was all I said, knowing what he meant and glad that we were on the same page.
“You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Sometimes I wonder what would have become of me had I not met you when I did,” he whispered for the umpteenth time.
“And you are a dashing young man too,” I found myself saying, thankful too that we found each other.
Everyone has a theory for what makes a relationship work but for me, it all comes down to how we are socialised. Upbringing counts for a lot in a relationship. We all grew up in this society where parents say so little or nothing whatsoever about sex to their children. These children grow up knowing nothing or better still are left to fend for themselves in this all important venture of sex. I mean, I have dated guys who didn’t know where to put it and most of what I know about sex I had to learn all by myself even if my case was different because I have parents who did not consider the topic of sex taboo.
I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating that part of my life was, at a point in my life I started to think that I was doomed to have half-baked lovers who were not interested in sex or who I had to teach from scratch how to pleasure me. You see, I had learnt early in life what I really wanted out of sex and didn’t see why I should continue to wait. But the long line of clueless lovers that kept coming my way told a different story. It has indeed become like an epidemic as we have young men who are not in touch with their sexuality and we wonder why they can’t give what they don’t have.
So, wait and pray I did.
My prayer was answered when in my final year I met Valentine. Actually, Val, as I have come to refer to him affectionately, had always been in my circles from day one at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka (UNN) where we were both studying fine art but we said little to each other until that fateful day in final year when we worked on a project together with some of our classmates. It was not even a project related to our studies. A lecturer was retiring and we were coopted to work in the committee that was to organise his sendoff. It turned out that Val took charge naturally because he knew something about everything and it was not a big deal for him. I found out in my interaction with him that he was just like me the only difference being that he is a man.
One thing quickly led to another and I learnt two lessons in quick succession. The first was that Val was the kind of guy who shagged you just because. The other was that he would toy with your emotions without bathing an eyelid but deep inside there was a keeper if you could find him. And what great eyes he had. I swear they were the first thing that took me in about him, his eyes were so blue it was unreal. Up close they reminded me of a swimming pool I never wanted to get out of.
My breasts had always been the one asset that I really loved about my body and I loved that he loved them. So there was always a tingling deep inside my body whenever I caught him eyeing the twins on my chest. And this was often after we had caught each other’s eye. So it was not a surprise when that first time we were naked together he called them beautiful and took, first, one nipple and then the other in between his lips, his tongue flicking back and forth over them even as his free hand undid my clothes and left me standing in my birthday suit.
“You are so beautiful, Regina,” he said to me that first time in his room back at university.
Letting him undress me was a new experience for me, I had often had to do the honours with my past lovers but even this was an art with Val. Then I watched as slow motion-like he dropped on his knees and did things to me with his tongue like no other man ever has. Then he picked me up ever so delicately, lay me on the bed, parted my legs and flicked his tongue over my petals for what seemed like an eternity of pleasure.
I found myself speaking a language even I could not understand. Magic was happening to me. I jacked my pubis into his face. I couldn’t help myself. He held me steady while his wand continued to do the thing only he knew how to do and my whole being soon began to shake. I neither wanted it to stop or to continue. I pulled his head up and kissed him, then turning around, I went down on all fours and bid him do more. It was as if we had done this dance from the beginning of time itself.
And so for a whole month we weaved this same magic every day, saying little to each other and doing little else.
But lovely as it was, we had to go live life, serve the country, find work. We kept in touch though, visiting when we could and it has been five years and the magic has refused to wear off. Parting ways has never been on the table. But I can’t begin to tell you how lucky I count myself considering what I said about how we are conditioned in our society. There is also the countless weddings we have attended where you could tell that the couples were just going through the motions, getting married for the sake of it.
There is this one Val and I attended recently in Lekki, for instance. The couple, both from a celebrity-page-big-name family, did not look a tad bit happy. And although it was their big day and it was carnival-like spread over the weekend with superstar musicians performing on several stages, anyone could see that there was no music in the life of the couple.
“Promise me we will never be that couple at the wedding today,” Val told me after we had made passionate love for the third time that night.
“I promise,” was all I said, knowing what he meant and glad that we were on the same page.
“You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Sometimes I wonder what would have become of me had I not met you when I did,” he whispered for the umpteenth time.
“And you are a dashing young man too,” I found myself saying, thankful too that we found each other.