There is a new pandemic in town. Scratch that!! It’s not so new but it’s more potent and contagious because loads of people are contracting and succumbing to it. I call it the Kari Mii pandemic and it’s a lethal disease that affects each and everyone of us to a degree depending on the levels of vitamin S (self esteem) that we have. Kari Mii is the Yoruba word literally translated as “notice me”and this disease is manifest especially on the social media tools of instagram and facebook and at parties.
Everyday throws up a new wannabe who is flushed with the Kari mii fever and we find people flaunting their constructed bodies, ridiculous outfits, alleged possessions, unstable relationships, dubious achievements, obscene parties and doing the most outlandish things all in a bid to be noticed and famous.
Please don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong in posting aspects of your life online especially when you do it with the right motives- education, information or just because you want to. The motive behind those posts is not to prove a point to anyone but when you start to show us things that we need not know about you, tell tales that no one asked for, do things just to get reactions of sympathy or applause there is a problem.
The trending story of Carlee Russel, a 25 year old nurse in the United States of America who reportedly faked her disappearance for over 59 hours leading to a massive manhunt for her, involving state and federal agencies which is reminiscent of the Jussie Smollett story where the actor faked a hate crime just to further his career and give him publicity are cases of Kari Mii gone south.
Symptoms of this disease according to Dr Preeti Kocchar, counseling psychologist, will include
- Fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation.
- Being controversial to provoke a reaction.
- Exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy.
- Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or watch the attempt to do it.
- Showing off and/or saying something is cheap when it is ridiculously expensive or not worth the hype.
“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory”- Bruce Lee.
Predisposition
- Unresolved emotional issues often rooted in childhood experiences – a lot of people being so extra on social media are actually screaming for help in the only way they know how to. They are used to being attended to only when they are extra in their emotions and actions. It’s like childhood tantrums. The child throws a tantrum because she or he knows the attention they desire or the things they want will be given to them.
- Low self esteem- people seek attention at the cost of decency and privacy because they lack self esteem and need the likes and comments of people like them to feel good about themselves.
- Loneliness- attention whether good or bad is welcomed by the lonely person because the spotlight is focused on them for sometime.
- The need for recognition- there is no point achieving anything without anyone knowing and sometimes our posts on social media is borne out of the need to be recognized and respected for what we do and have. LinkedIn is a case in point where most of the bios are exaggerated to give people a sense of achievement and make them stand out to be celebrated and applauded.
- The fear of being left out or missing out- this fear tends to drive us to over compensate by showing that we are part of the in-crowd at great cost especially where we are not financially secure. A good example is that of the asoebi syndrome where we buy excessively expensive, often low quality clothes just so we don’t feel left out.
Prescription
- Self discovery- ask the difficult questions as to why people’s approval means so much to you. Until we know the root source of our actions we cannot get a lasting cure.
- Set boundaries- not everything should make its way to the public eye. Keep what ought to be private private except they are for teaching and information purposes. There is a difference, and the public will know when we are showing off or strictly making a point.
- Resolve your insecurities- there is a reason why we are disposed to this disease. Resolve them and make the necessary peace with yourself. Affirmations are a great way to do this.
- Be authentic- there is no one way to living and enjoying life, and no one’s template is better than the other . As tempting as it may be , don’t try to copy any other person, as they say variety is the spice of life.
- Be content with yourself and what you have. Water indeed has levels. There will always be someone who has more than you and there is no point struggling to prove your worth to them.
- Understand that some people are being paid to influence brands and that what they post is not necessarily theirs or bought with their monies.
We all have a need to be seen, recognized, respected, applauded, validated and celebrated. It’s an innate human desire and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having that desire or even craving it. I for one used to feel left out when I saw people posting pictures of themselves having a good time with their friends, until it occurred to me that I do have plenty of good times with my friends but I just don’t post them in public spaces, not because it’s bad to post them but because I don’t feel the need to do so. I am that person that meets someone who is famous or important and wouldn’t necessarily think of taking a picture with them and posting it for everyone to see that I have met or know them because there is no need to prove to anyone that I know them. Funny enough, that knowledge does not make me immune from feeling a bit jealous when I see other people post their pictures and shows the huge influence social media has on our minds and its ability to make us think we are missing out when what and who we are is better than what we are coveting.
The truth is that people who are content with themselves and their place in life never seek validation from others to live life the way they want to and this cuts across both the rich and the poor. I listened to a video some weeks back and the speaker said what distinguishes the rich from wannabes is quiet luxury. He said that the true rich never make in your face statements about their wealth and that whilst they wear designer brands it’s never the ones that have the brands trademark all over them stating that those were for the wannabes. He made a point with Mark Zuckerberg’s grey tee shirts. A lot of people have applauded Zuckerberg’s famous tees but only a few know that they are custom made by Italian Designer Brunello Cucinelli and they cost an upward of $300 each.
The post validated the position that it is only the insecure and discontent that seek validation and go to extensive lengths to get them. So when next you see someone being extra, either on social media or in public, know they’ve been infected by Kari Mii and say a prayer for healing for them. They need it.