The uproar and mystery surrounding Mmesome Ejikeme, the young lady that claimed that her JAMB score was the highest in her state has finally been put to rest by the confirmation that she forged her result.
Expectedly, the issue generated a lot of controversy which found people taking positions for and against the parties involved.
Ruminating on all the issues the story threw up, I came to several conclusions:
1. There is a great danger, especially in today’s world, where almost anything and everything can be generated by artificial intelligence, of coming to a conclusion by listening to only one side of a story.
As someone said, there are three sides to a story – my side, the other person’s side and the truth. Never, never come to a judgement based solely on one side of the story no matter how convincing it may sound, no matter how many facts/evidence or as they now say, receipts are presented. The truth is that the first person to go to court or to the media never tells the whole story and always presents their story in a way that makes them look good or victimised. As the Bible puts it in Proverbs 18:17 “The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbour comes and examines him”. Morale – Never believe or stick your head out based on the single story until you have all the facts or at least heard from all sides.
2. There is a dearth of rational thinking in our society. The conversations that go on in our country and the world today, show that many people are not equipped to think rationally. They do not weigh the facts that are presented to them appropriately, cannot or do not think outside their experiences and emotions, and do not welcome external considerations especially when they do not conform to what they want to hear. To them, everything must go in a particular direction and if it is coming from a source that they do not agree with, it must be incorrect. There can be no exceptions to their general rule and if they acknowledge any at all it is because the evidence is so overwhelming that it will be foolish not to acknowledge the same. It was F. Scott Fitzgerald rightly said, “That the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” Sad to say most of the populace cannot boast of such intelligence. Morale – don’t waste your time arguing with people who can’t, don’t or choose to reason.
3.We are experts at shutting people down especially when they hold a contrary view from ours.
Not only do we shut people down but we become offensive and abusive in the manner we do so. We use abusive words and are quick to descend to insults, jeers and sarcasm when responding to people’s opinions. The truth is that it shows us as being irrational, offensive and obnoxious and does not do anything good for our image. Furthermore, it shows that we know we are wrong but refuse to accept it either because of the personality that proffers that viewpoint or because we have put too much into propagating that viewpoint and are embarrassed or ashamed to say we are wrong. It also shows that we have unresolved issues that find their way into everything we comment on even though they may be unrelated.
Morale – people that shut others down have unresolved issues, it has nothing to do with you or your position.
4. The end never ever justifies the means.
We are a very impatient people, very eager for results no matter the means. It shows in the way we drive, jump queues and circumvent procedures and processes. We believe that people that follow the rules are slow, unambitious and stupid and applaud those who cut corners even though by doing so they affect us negatively. We are consumed with the desire to get to the top without climbing the ladder and celebrate as clever those who know how to bend the rules to work in their favour. We celebrate success without enquiring as to how it is attained. It’s the reason for the proliferation of miracle centres both in the religious and academic spheres.
Morale – Be suspicious when people can’t explain the process of their success insisting rather on past experiences which may also be infallible.
5. There is a blurry line between what is real and what is fake all thanks to social media. I find it rather sad and disturbing that people are not only living a lie but also insist, especially when caught that their lie is real. So many examples abound of people who are deluded in their lies.
The most recent publicised example being that of Chef Dammy who managed to fool herself and others by pretending that she was competing for a Guinness World Record when she hadn’t even applied to the institution. Olumide Oworu who was supposedly the candidate of the Labour Party for Surulere constituency when he hadn’t even bought the form to run nor was on the ballot paper also comes to mind about the power of delusion and its ability to affect both the individual and the public.
What I find most disturbing, is not the living of a lie but the insistence that one is right and the others are lying. Why tell a lie you know you can be caught at and punished? Why get upset when you are confronted about a lie that you have told, especially when it’s unravelling? There is no doubt in my mind that a lot of us that live a lie are suffering from insecurities and think that our lies will help us curry favour from the people we are dying to impress. However, far from making people like us, our life of deceit makes them ridicule and detest us if not to our faces surely at our backs.
Living a lie takes a heavy emotional toll on us that will break us sometime if not now and especially in today’s world when keeping up appearances is a lot more easy online but difficult in real life there is no reason to heap such a burden on ourselves for people who don’t really care about us.
The most harmful aspect of living a lie, is when we ourselves believe our lies.
I have always believed in being brutally honest with myself like I was recently, when I acknowledged that with the rising costs in fuel and the attendant costs of living I couldn’t afford my lifestyle and must curb my expenses. I must say that though it is difficult to look oneself in the mirror and acknowledge their faults, it is one of the most liberating things to do. I am not a psychologist, but it is my firm belief that lying to oneself is the reason why many of us fall into addictions either but mostly that of drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. It’s easier to tell ourselves lies than to face the truth but it’s best to own up to who you really are, in spite of what people think and what you want them to believe about you. I really can’t tell what prompted the young lady and Olumide Owuro to project themselves to be what they are not, especially in the public eye but I guess that they had believed their lies so much that they thought they were who they projected themselves to be. I hope that they have learnt their lessons and for those of us living a lie whether to ourselves or others, I leave the refrain of the song Living a lie written by Andreas Johansson and pray that we will face the truth of our lives and live them.
Whoa, I’m sick of all these lies
Don’t care if I capsize
There’s nothing left for me to hide
Don’t wanna live a lie
Too many lows, too many highs
Too many things to criticize
And so I leave it all behind
Don’t wanna to live a lie