Thoughts on heartbreak and broken relationships
It was a whirlwind romance. Mimi reluctantly attended a wedding with her bestie, and there she met Bobo. He was one of the groomsmen and apparently, the life of the party. He had noticed her sitting all by herself while everyone was digging it out on the dance floor. He asked her to dance and she gave in after much pleading. Bobo appeared very smitten but Mimi didn’t seem eager to fall for a guy she knew nothing about. They spent the evening chatting about everything and nothing, and when it was time to go home, she reluctantly gave him her phone number. She was besotted.
Bobo was all over Mimi, a constant presence in her life. He called and texted her first and last thing at night, and if Mimi had allowed him, he would have probably visited every day as well. He spared no expense in treating her to the good life: gifts and experiences, he was quite generous and very present in her life. Six months later, it was over. Bobo found out that Mimi had begun a relationship with a guy who was living abroad. It was all part of her plans to japa, leave the country. Plans they had discussed so often and were both working towards. Abroad guy was a citizen so it would make things easier for Mimi. She had put on the perfect show, he had become the side guy.
Chichi met Yaro when he was assigned to work with her company on a six-month consulting engagement. She lived and worked in Abuja, and he would fly in from Lagos every two weeks to work with them on their business processes. She was the head of her business unit so they interacted with each other quite often and quickly became friends. He was quite the charmer and he wasted no time in sweeping her off her feet. He said all the right things, did all the right things: she was sure he would propose anytime soon.
A few months after Yaro began the consulting engagement, Chichi’s company sent her to represent them at a meeting with Yaro’s firm. She decided to surprise him by not disclosing that she would be attending the meeting on her company’s behalf. She arrived at his office and was directed to the meeting room. As she made herself comfortable, Yaro walked in with some other colleagues and she heard them congratulating him on the birth of his child. He was married? She was stunned!
Mimi and Bobo, and Chichi and Yaro: we most likely know a few people who have been in similar circumstances. Truly, madly, deeply in love with someone only to find out they were in a relationship by themselves. On the one hand, some gave their all to the people they believed they were in love with. Unfortunately, they got nothing but disappointment, broken dreams, and heartbreak in return. On the other hand, some knew they were unavailable for relationships, yet they led their partners on, giving them hope of their real love. There are many such people in our world today but with different backstories.
Have you ever had your heart broken? How did you feel? Did you take it well or did you end up in a hospital bed? Did you blame yourself? Did you feel like getting even? How did you move on? Have you even moved on? Heartbreaks are often sure in relationships because we cannot determine how our partners will behave. Burna Boy knew what he was talking about when he sang: “last last, na everybody go chop breakfast”. If you have never been served, pray you don’t experience it otherwise, relax, it will soon reach your turn.
Many people who desire to be in relationships always have a reason for getting into one. The more common reasons are the desire to get married, share love with someone, have children, have sex, or even have someone to split the bills with. Whilst we may think that people in relationships generally want the same or similar things, the reality is not the case. Some may have good intentions, others may not. Some may think they have good intentions which may not be properly understood by their partner. Some may have intentions they don’t even share with their partner, for whatever reason. Only each individual can truly admit what they want and sometimes, some people don’t even know what they want.
Sadly, most people are not wired to decode the intentions of the other party. Usually, once romance sets in, the chances of anyone thinking they can be deceived are reduced. One would typically assume the best or maybe not even think about the worst rather than be on the lookout for a deceptive partner. Even if some people could read minds, some people have become so adept at putting on a show, that it is hard to see beyond who they present themselves as. This leaves people subject to how their partners present themselves.
Many people in relationships have been lied to, cheated on, and disregarded. They have given their time, resources, and emotions, and received regret in return. They have gone in with an open mind and found themselves getting the short end of the stick. This makes me wonder why some people are so deceitful. Why does someone string someone else along in a relationship knowing fully well that he or she has absolutely no intention of being in that relationship? What motivates people to begin a journey they know will only end in tears for the other party? Who knows?
We also need to consider that some people do not set out to deceive their partners. They may match their display of affection and may both have similar intentions but along the way, circumstances may change. Reality dawns or some new information is made available that encourages one party to reconsider their place in the relationship. Sometimes, either of the people in the relationship may realise or decide that they want something more or something else. Why go along with a relationship that isn’t offering what you want or need? They admit to their partners that they can no longer go on with the relationship and they want out. That’s not a problem, the problem arises when the person instigating the breakup does not manage the process well. It is how that person handles the relationship that determines how their partner will review things.
People who experience deception as part of a heartbreak may find it hard to trust other people. It isn’t always easy to move on after everything you had once believed comes crumbling down. Some people even experience health issues that require therapy or hospital admission. And some find it hard to move on, never being able to give their heart to someone else.
How do people survive heartbreak? That is the million-dollar question. I guess each person finds out what works for them and does it. Some have jumped into new relationships or situationships. Others have gradually taken time to heal by focusing on other aspects of life. Whatever works for one is ok as long as one doesn’t wallow in self-pity or regret.
I guess everyone should stay focused on being the best partner they can be. That way, we would have less deceptive people in relationships. Moving on and healing are also very important and people need to understand that they can do this at their own pace. If we ever get to chop breakfast, I hope that we can handle it well enough so we can have a large feast for dinner. This is the way I see things today.