My husband left me one day. We had no quarrel, just that he was tired of our 11 years old marriage. We had our share of marital squabbles, tell me, what married couple don’t? But my husband, a quiet and gentle man, just upped and left. We have just one child. My daughter was 6 years old at that time when he left us.
I was totally blindsided.
This is a marriage that didn’t even produce a child until almost 6 years of union.
We had weathered so many storms together so, when he left, I was broken.
My husband had been threatening to leave me every time we quarreled. He complained that I didn’t respect him. You know men always complained about that, of their women. So when he complained about respect or no respect, I reminded him that I had a lot of respect for him w but when we quarrel who remembers respect?
When he left, my aunty- friend was the one I turned to for help. Help as in, what do I do? What did I do wrong? How can a man just leave you like that? You know? I was hurt, devastated and kept hoping he would come back home to me. All of these I shared with my aunty-friend, thinking she would be sympathetic.
Many times she would just laugh at me when I told her of some of the issues my husband and I had. When I told her somethings, she often condemned me. I’m not saying she should rub my head but at least…
She blamed for for everything
She always told me, “This is your fault, men are like this, and this…you should have to pet him, you have to be submissive…you are not submissive enough.”
My thing is, when she was talking about submission, I told her, my husband wasn’t like most men. When he referred to “respect,” it wasn’t about me submitting, it was me calling him names when we quarreled…
But he always began the name-calling. He called me a slut, said my barrenness was stopping his progress…you know, stuff like that. I am not a mumu. At first, I would keep quiet. But when he didn’t stop calling me names when we quarreled, I returned to sender. I called him names too and insulted his family. That’s what my aunty- friend meant about me not being submissive.
She felt I should not have responded to the insults! I’m not a bastard o, you can’t be cursing me and I will be looking at you in the name of submission!
Anyway, I felt she just didn’t get it.
When I told her sex was also a sore issue between my husband and I. She said, “a barren woman must find different ways to get pregnant!” Yet she knew I had a daughter!
According to aunty-friend, I wasn’t giving him enough. She said I should be ready at all times…”a man needs sex 47 times a month to keep him coming home,” I said, “… but I have to work. But I am tired from work and house chores. I would appreciate his help and then I can relax for the sex…”
She was a model wife
She brushed me aside and said I was the cause of my husband walking away. You know, she presented herself as a model wife who always despite her age, I think she is nearing 50, she gives her husband anytime he wants it. Even if he doesn’t sef, she said she is ever-ready.”
I knew I couldn’t compete with that. I said, “Aunty, maybe it’s because uncle supports you in other ways, that’s why things are rosy for you…” but she put it down to her efforts…to things she did…as per model wife concern.
And you know, the reason I kept going to her was because, I felt that, as a woman who was more mature than me, older…seemed to have it all and together for that matter. Her husband seemed happy enough with her. Her children seemed to be doing fine…so I felt she had to be doing something right. I needed her counsel.
Anyway, after one of her supposed counseling and me refusing to back down, she told me she didn’t want to talk to me again. She blamed me for my husband leaving.
Omo, the thing pain me! Thet hing pain me reach my bones!
And it didn’t stop there, she told a few of our mutual friends that I was the one responsible for my “quiet and gentle husband, leaving” me.
After that, I changed church, so that I didn’t have to see her.
My husband left me in 2017. Last week, I saw a mutual friend who told me stories that almost made my ears drop!
Our “model wife,” is almost running mad because her husband had got one small oyibo pepper girl pregnant.
Aunty- friend found out and she and her husband had a huge fight. It took several members of their estate members to come pull them apart because aunty friend was breaking tv sets, laptops, and car windows…destroying everything in their house, out of anger…and frustration, too, I think.
And you know the best part for me, husband eloped with his babe. Who knows, maybe it was the fear of being killed in his sleep that made the man run away with his chikito to Abuja where I hear they are living as man and wife! But the man ran for his life!
So tell me, all this “give your husband sex 24/7,” didn’t work, abi she was just “whining” me ni?
All these. “Using foul language against your husband is disgraceful of the man that God has put over your life…” is because her buttons haven’t been pushed, ni?
Hoin, shey you see as the thing goes?
Hoin! Aunty-friend! Na de same category we dey now.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)