I made a promise to talk about 4 stages of drunkenness but was distracted and wrote about something else entirely.
So, this week I shall fulfil my promise to all the thirsty dudes in the house.
Back when I worked at Hints magazine, alcohol was our poison of choice and you won’t blame me. I was working with young men and women who spent their days working and partying. That was, has been and will always be the life of the journalist and writer.
Alcohol is the lubricant necessary for producing words.
And as writers for a popular magazine, fans and readers and those hoping to get into the magazine were always ready and willing to ply us with alcohol. It was so bad that we used to start drinking, sometimes, by noon especially between Wednesday and Friday.
We drank before we worked. We drank while we worked and we drank after we worked, there was no timetable. I remember when I wrote the Thrills and Boom book about Lady Diana. We wrote that book over the course of 3 nights, me and David Njoku. I am not sure we would have finished that book in 3 nights if we were not quaffing down Squadron.
Man was young and thirsty then which is why I look at my age mates now who drink and get drunk and I wonder what were they doing at age 25?
Then one night we saw something that made us run. That was the night we drank and moved through the 4 stages of drunkenness. That was the night we drank so much that no one agreed to drive. Well, at least, we had enough sense not to drink and drive.
What happened?
A friend of ours was getting married. He was one of four brothers all of whom were called Fash. We had contributed some money and bought two rams for the bachelor’s eve party. Then one of the guys had said he was getting about 40 babes from Unilag so the rule was no one should come with his babe because what happens at the Bachelor’s Eve stays at the Bachelor’s Eve.
Anyway, by 8 pm, my crew and I were all ready and thirsty so we left Peter Okwoche’s house where we had all met up and moved to Dee Doves on Oregun road which used to be our favourite watering hole. Dee Doves is still there and Dr. Dami Ajayi thinks he is the Mungo Park who discovered the route to Dee Doves. Smh!
Any way, we got to Dee Doves – me, Peter Okwoche, Helon Habila, Maji Aileku, Emeke Ananenu, Tumebi, Ralph Bruce and David Njoku and we started drinking.
Now, let me speak for myself. I drank about 4 bottles of stout at Dee Doves before we moved on to GRA for the Bachelor’s Eve. That was where the wahala started.
The girls from Unilag did not show. Yup!
Bobo organizer did not organise nada.
So, we had about 30 guys to eat 2 rams and then drink enough alcohol meant for about 100 people.
So we got to work.
Let me speak for myself again o. Even though I was Editor, I was not the heaviest drinker but that night I tried o. I drank another 9 bottles of stout bringing everything to 13 bottles over 10 hours. Let me not expose my friends.
That was the night I realized that drunkenness has stages o.
What are the stages. Wait, make I reach as Fela would say.
Morose: When a man starts getting drunk the first thing that happens is he becomes morose.You will just be looking like lookman. Something is happening to you and you are trying to understand it. So, you will be become a thinker
Verbose: Once you have thunk and thunk and thunk and realized that you are not dying that whatever is happening to you is not terminal, you will start yarning opata. My girlfriend says I will become a philosopher. This is when you become verbose. That’s the talkative stage when you will not let anyone else put in a word
Lacrymose: So drunkenness is a little like being bi-polar. You will have mood swings from high to low and when the low comes, if it hits hard, some men will start crying. As a hard man, I always skip this part. lol
Comatose: This is the part that most people notice, the part where the drinker passes out. Yes o. Either the person slumps in his seat and starts snoring with saliva drooling or they go to pee and decide to turn the bathroom into a bed room or they get behind the wheel and then lack the will power to start the car or they start the car then realise that their journey is too far. Either way, man must crash.
Next week, I will tell you how we used to groove in Lagos back in the late 90s when there was no cell phone and Lagos was not as big as it is now. Make a date with the Mayor.
