Mostly because we’re tricked into believing in the all the wrong markers of love. We’re tricked into believing real love is all about romance and grand gestures, that it’s about strong, passionate feelings that move you into doing things you never saw yourself doing before.
We believe Real Love is not only a thing, but that it’s signified by a fixed set of attitudes and values. We believe Real Love makes you want to spend every waking second next to your significant other, that it makes you jealous and deeply afraid that one misstep might cause you to lose the object of such passion.
And that’s when you trip, when you mistake passion for love.
Real Love, first of all, is not a thing.
If Real Love were a thing, then it’s logical opposite, Fake Love, would also be a thing.
There is no Real Love because it’s either love or it isn’t. It’s either love or it’s passion, possessiveness, an ego boost, or any other unhealthy relationship not marked by trust, respect and genuine giving.
There’s a palpable difference, however, between mature and immature love.
Here are the signs you have one:
1. You ‘re able to discuss anything and everything
As humans, it can be hard to talk about certain topics. In a relationship, conversation topics can range from what’s with that coworker you’re mad with, to that ex of your partner’s you’re still jealous of; from who should be doing the laundry this week, to why you’re afraid you might die alone; from why didn’t your partner call to let you know they were late, to how come you didn’t like their new haircut.
And that’s just scratching the surface.
Being able to calmly talk with someone about what’s bothering you, outside and inside the relationship, is a precious gift. It goes beyond just being able to blurt out your unfiltered thoughts, in fact, it isn’t even about blurting out anything.
It’s about feeling safe and accepted. It’s about being individually mature enough to know how to articulate what troubles you and mature enough as a couple to know how to listen to each other.
It takes skill. It takes practice. But it’s a wonderfully beautiful thing to achieve.
2. You respect each other’s need for alone time
Mature love is about spending quality time together, but it’s also about spending quality time apart.
Being alone is an essential human need. Time spent with ourselves, whether in silent reflection or engrossed in healthy activities we enjoy is time spent in self-improvement.
Healthy, mature couples use their respective alone time grow as individuals. They also take time to miss each other so that they can gladly meet again as improved individuals who can truly appreciate each other’s company. Read more