Weddings are commonplace this time of the year as if couples suddenly realise the year is almost out and they haven’t got married…so hurry, let’s do the church on time!
The tradition of the father of the bride walking the bride down the aisle goes way back to days of arranged marriages in Europe. Back then, fathers considered their unmarried daughters as their personal properties to exchange either for a dowry or agreement with the family of the intended groom.
The Father of the bride would walk the bride down the aisle to signify his acceptance of the terms of marriage his daughter was going into. Agreed this is a ‘borrowed’ tradition, its significance transcends all cultures, class and creed. The father, as the head of the family, gives away the bride.
Now, I’m not a feminist, I don’t even know what it means to be one. I think God created everyone to have roles, that’s perhaps why he created Adam first and then Eve from his ribs. I haven’t got that version of the Bible that states they were created simultaneously. I know God could’ve if He wanted to, He is capable of such.
However, roles are changing daily and so is the significance of presenting the bride to the groom in the church.
Thankfully, daughters are no longer viewed as personal properties of their fathers or mothers for that matter but as valuable individuals set to start a new life.
That being said, I was deliciously thrilled when I once viewed on Facebook the Mother of the Groom and Groom taking the floor for the ‘Groom’s Dance. It was a joy to watch.
The mother, your typical Nigerian mum looked prepped up for the dance, she must have been schooled through days of dance steps which she executed with much aplomb. She was in sync with her son’s steps and her backside did a wobble every time she stamped her feet to conclude a dance step. I couldn’t help but celebrate with her and indeed, a good number of Facebookers too, commented positively on the video.
She is a single mum as I gleaned from the comments of people who happen to know the groom, though I didn’t quite get the circumstances of her singlehood, I did understand that she went through a lot to raise this one son who’s wedding the dance was all about. And I can only imagine half of what she must have been through to raise this one son; I can only imagine a quarter of the sacrifices she had to make to see him through school; imagine a pinch of the pain and anguish she must have gone through so that this one son would not die a cheap death, that her son would carry on his father’s name, be a man, a responsible man who will contribute his own quota to the human race. So her joy knew no bounds as she jiggled all the tyres on her waist to take that first dance as the guests erupted with loud applause and cheer.
It got even more thrilling for me when a friend sent me the picture of her younger sister being walked down the aisle by their mum on her wedding day. Not your everyday wedding occurrence, I know. Mum, of course, was said to have objected to the idea of walking her daughter down when the idea was first mooted. She had said ‘No, it’s a man’s job’. But where was the man when she was raising this girl child? Where was he when baby girl needed the father figure? Even if we are to assume the father died and was not missing in action as the case is, the honour must go to that person who contributed positively to the girl’s life growing up and if no such male qualifies in the girl’s family, pray, let mother proudly walk her daughter down the aisle, she deserves that honour!
She is giving her daughter to a family she approves of, she is letting her daughter go start a new and hopefully, a happy life with the groom.
I have witnessed families go seeking for a male father figure to do the wedding dance or aisle walk where the father of the bride is absent.
‘Ha, we cannot walk down the aisle alone o, go get just any man.’
Really?
‘Glad this nansense is changing; kids are insisting the parent who stood by them is the parent that deserves to be so honoured on their day of joy.
Now, if it’s the dad who’s been there, the one who stood by the kids through thick and thin, oh, by every means, give daddy the dance of a lifetime. Teach him how to work those new dance steps; from azonto to…what’s the new dance called sef?
Teach dad, it will make the rest of his years a happy one. Make it the dance everyone will talk about for years to come. I know daddies who sacrifice all for their kids, daddies who are doing the daddy job whether it is convenient or not.
And what if it’s an aunt, an uncle, a guardian who stood in the gap and fought for that child? They shouldn’t be in the background just ‘cause the role is ‘meant for a man.’
Who sai!
Let them be the first to take the dance floor; after all parenting never ends when the kids are married, like most things in life, it only marks the beginning of another phase of life, it’s another rite of passage. The expectations begin to mount over the grandkids as they roll in.
My late grandma was present at virtually all the births of her grandchildren. She bore us all on her back until that back could carry no more children. She prayed daily for us, spending hours on her knees, calling each of us by name and those of our spouses and when the great-grandkids began to tumble in, she had numbers for them, as she couldn’t name them all.
Yes, every parent that has laboured deserves a place of honour, every hand that has raised a child through it all deserves more than that seat of honour because I tell you, it is not an easy sontin to raise a human being.
Ask Jesus.