I hate it when you use the word cougar; it is a bad expression and I beg not to have you use that word for me. I am only 52 years, still in my prime and the so called young man here is 47 years old, so how am I a cougar? Five years is nothing, my dear!
How did I get here?
I have been divorced in the last 15 years; no crying over that. My husband and I had our issues, issues we couldn’t resolve and so, we parted ways, not amicably, have you ever heard of an amicable divorce in Nigeria? It’s always muddy, so we had our share of mudslinging but that’s 15 years ago. We have three children, who are all grown, the baby of the family is 21 and almost done at the university abroad.
On my part, I work, still have my small business as you know; I own my house, so no landlord is breathing down my throat and I try to live as comfortably as possible…but I am lonely!
I needed someone to wrap his arms around me, hold me and love me die!
They say it is not good for man to be alone…it is not good for woman to be alone, too. At the beginning, say like 5 or 6 or maybe even seven years after my divorce, I did not miss any man; my mind was not on any man; our divorce was messy and for a long time, men were smelling badly to me; you get me? But after that, especially when my last born relocated aboard first for his A’ Levels, he worked for some time before he began school…my house was just empty. I didn’t feel like coming home after the day’s work. Home to what? To who?
It was not fun for me.
I bought a dildo… but sis, nothing compares to flesh standing up to attention…I needed to be waxed! After how many years? You know, even before my divorce, my husband and I had stopped sex…..way long before we began to think of divorce o. And I kept my legs locked as a good christian woman!
I tried now!
Anyway, let me continue. So you know I enjoy movies and all that; and I would go watch movies…alone. Sis, it was not fun after a while. I have girlfriends like you, that I visit and talk to but I needed someone, you know, my own person gangan…you get?
That’s how I met Sam; I was at the mall, waiting to watch a movie, there he was, with a bag of popcorn, chewing like a cow. I looked at him and just smiled because he looked like a cow chewing cud.
Sam is big, over 6 feet, burly but not fat, you know those workout guys, ehen. They are my type…
He saw me, came close, asked why I was laughing at him; I said he reminded me of someone. Na so we start o. Turned out he came alone too. He asked if I came with someone; I said no. I wasn’t afraid to be talking to a total stranger because, I knew I was safe at the mall, I had determined that laslas, after the cinema, I would make an excuse and run for my car.
After the movie, which I can’t even remember the title right now, by the way. We sat in the food court of the mall and talked and talked like we had been friends for long…
We began to meet at the mall for movies every Thursday…you know Thursdays are cheaper, the tickets are cheaper on Thursdays, ehen, now you know. Of course, all these was before coro, o. You know, now?
So, from there, I got to know he is married; his wife and two kids are living abroad, I made fun of him that he was using naira to service pounds, he must be a rich man but he is not, just getting by; you know.
Ok, from day one, there was an attraction. Yes, he looked like a cow, huge and all that, but I enjoyed talking to him; he made me laugh so hard that I hadn’t done in years, in years. We had a lot in common too, movies, the same types of movies, too. He liked romantic movies, he liked historical, he like…same as me; I hate violent movies, I hate seeing blood…same as him. We enjoyed the same kinds of books, we enjoyed window shopping, the beach…yeah, I see you rolling your eyes but, sis, I came alive with this guy but I kept holding back.
Why? When he told me he was 47years old…I felt old. You know, I senior am by 5 years…for me that’s a lot! Then I told him I was 52. I told him to start calling me aunty.
After a few weeks, I think he noticed I was pulling back; as we were leaving the mall one day, our cars were packed side by side, he pulled me back as I was about to enter my car and showed me our reflection on the car window.
“Who will see you and call you 52?”
“Who will see us and imagine any age difference between us? I am the one who looks 52, you look 45 or less! Stop these thing and lets have fun!”
The last few months have been…I never knew I had anything between my legs, I just discovered there’s something there!
Don’t do face for me, please and when you write it, you know me, o. ehen, write with caution, o!
So, I have thrown my dildo to the back of the wardrobe because the real deal is here. Why am I telling you this? Because I met another person…
Francis is also married…story of my life but he is rich; he is willing to spend and has been… fixed my car the other day; gave me money to send to my kid; assisted with my business…so far as he claims, he is a ‘friend’… yeah, indeed. Na so ‘friends’ dey do? They buy you dresses, too?
Am I a kid?
I am now in a place where I am wondering, wetin I go do?
You are asking me why I am worried?
Both are married and guess what? If they weren’t, I am not going to get married to either of them, at 52?
Marry… and start the wifely things again? Cooking, cleaning, being nice when I don’t want to be nice? Dealing with the in-laws…their own children because well…but they aren’t even looking for marriage either, they are both married and I don’t want marriage! And I am not the type that can deal two of them at the same time but if you ask me to choose, my toy boy is the one I will go for…he has plenty of energy but not a lot of money. Francis is older, 56…energy level will be going down at that age and his type rely on viagra to get things going… I have just ‘discovered’ myself. So while money from Francis may be good and I want to be spoilt …and Sam has on one or two occasions asked for loans and this should be a pointer to leave him because I see myself helping out with his family abroad…but ha, my body is doing me one kind!
See how well waxed I look…hummn? Na Sam
What Sam has, Francis has will need viagra for and what Francis has can help me, really…the heart is not so smart afterall.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)