I read a story you published two or three weeks back. That was my story but you heard only one side of the story; whoever told you that story didn’t tell you the full story. I mean the one about a side chick claiming the man has now left her for his wife.
Well. I am the wife and let me start by saying, she is a liar.
Yes, Laide is a liar!
She started by saying she didn’t set out to be a side chick, but she knew what she was going into the first time she met my husband.
Ok, first let me tell my own side.
We had been married for a long time, about five years when someone suggested we did IVF. As you know, it is an expensive procedure and there are no 100% guarantees; we tried it once and it failed. But we were willing to give it another go… well, I know I was very willing because you see in marriages where there are no children, the pressure is often on the woman, not the man.
So, the pressure was on me, from my in-laws and I understood their concerns.
Well, before then. We had tried different methods, the one where you schedule intimacy and you meet with your husband after taking certain hormonals. Unfortunately for me, my husband wasn’t always keen on sex with me.
That was a very trying period for me because, I just didn’t understand what was going on between us then. My husband would not be able to get it up for me but he could get it up for some girl out there! I knew because, see, men can’t hide these things for long, a woman who wants to know will find them out!
I saw her Whatsapp messages to him.
I read what she said about him leaving me for her; how she would be a better wife, how she would give him all the children he wanted…
I mean, some women can be…she knew she was causing damage, she knew she only had to say one word and my husband would go running like a lap dog!
She would send him photos, nudes, all kinds of enticements…
I tried not to let these affect me.
I did all I thought possible to get him intimate with me; I cleaned up, took care of myself, tried to liven things up, nothing happened, it was as if he was under some kind of spell.
We were later to find out that indeed he was and please, I am not even exonerating my husband from all of these, he is not a victim as far as i am concerned, he allowed himself to be used.
Anyway, my husband kept failing to get his thing up for me but he was able to get it done outside, he came home one day to say a certain lady was expecting his child!
I was devastated; his infidelity apart, it was the fact that it all proved beyond any doubt that the reason we couldn’t have children was me and yet, all the hospitals we’d visited, all the tests I had done, that we even did together said there was nothing wrong with either of us.
So, to now be told he was expecting a child outside was too much for me.
I went into depression, deeper depression in fact because the pressure of being childless with a philandering husband took its toll on me add the pregnancy, I never thought I would recover.
But I thank God, I thank my family and I specially thank my friends who stood by me. They encouraged me, through love, sometimes threats, sometimes even forcefully making me eat or do something to keep living.
I survived it.
Yes, it is true that on the day of the baby’s naming ceremony, I was given Laide’s baby to pray for. I couldn’t, truth be told, I was just in tears but managed to ask God to keep the child and give me my own.
Yes, I was told the mother was outside but I mean, the fact that the baby I was holding wasn’t mine, told me she had the victory, not me.
Same thing happened when she had her second child. She is claiming to be the victim; no she is not, she is the one who stepped into a marriage with the sole purpose of destroying it. So, I really don’t get the part where she suddenly became the victim.
She finally had him under her spell; he would do anything, I mean, anything for her; Laide! Even my in-laws were parading her house like loyal servants.
And really, I understood to an extent, they finally had children from their only brother/son who couldn’t have children before, right?
I went through hell. I felt discarded, used and abandoned, I cried myself to sleep many nights and had contemplated on more than three occasions to walk out of my marriage. But I had friends and family who said, no way. You will stay and one day, your own children would come.
Did I show any ill will towards my husband’s children? God forbid! I am not that sort of person. Yes, I was bitter but never towards the children. They were innocent children who knew nothing about the situation they were born into. When I traveled abroad a few months after the birth of the second girl, I bought clothes, several items for them. I gave to my husband to give to their mother but their mother sent it right back to me; saying her children had enough clothes!
I don’t blame her, she couldn’t imagine I bore no ill feelings against the children especially as I was also fervently praying to God for mine. ‘Ori omo l’on p’o mo wa ye.’ Children here call forth the children in heaven to earth.
Anyway, I didn’t know the full details of what happened between them, I mean Laide and my husband; they had a falling out; something about the food she gave him; he said he felt strange. He accused her of trying to poison him but she said she would never do such.
Anyway, I just know my husband began to spend more time at home and in the process, we began to get intimate.
I was pregnant before I even knew it. I thought I was down with some fever but it was a pregnancy, it was a baby on the way, my prince that has changed my life forever. He changed my story forever!
I gave birth to a son! But the truth is, even if I had given birth to a girl, I would still be over the moon!
Laide chose to see the birth of my son as the end of her relationship with my husband. Not so, she ended it herself. Whatever portion she concocted for him finally wore off because even before I gave birth to my child my husband told me he didn’t know what he saw in her. He told me he didn’t know how he ended up with her or how come he even had two children with her.
I really don’t care, I just told him, what brought you together will be what will put you asunder. I will not use my hands to carry juju for anybody and if anybody wants to do me juju, it will fall upon them!
As for me, I have learned that whatever you know to do, keep doing it. If you know to do good, keep at it, if evil, don’t stop, there’s ample reward for both!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)